Back to the Future, you ask? Yes, the classic 1985 film about Marty McFly, a popular teenager with a beautiful girlfriend and a bright future. Marty has a couple of problems, though. First off his father is a weak-willed dweep, his mother's a drunk and he's lower-middle class. These are typical problems that typical teenagers across the world face. Well, his troubles don't stop there.
Enter Doctor Emmett Brown, or Doc for short. He's a wacky, seemingly-ludicrous man who thinks he's managed to time travel using a DeLorean. Pretty crazy, right? Except he can. Doc Brown actually perfected time-travel with plutonium, a flux-capacitor and 1.21 jigawatts at the perfect speed of 88 MPH! Well, the first major conflict is introduced when the Libyans that Doc ripped off the plutonium from have come back literally moments after demonstrating how time-travel is possible. What do these nice, peaceful Libyans do to Doc? They waste the motherfucker.
Holy fuck! I thought this movie was PG! I just watched two stereotypes shoot the fuck out of an ageing doctor! So, that's the first major conflict. The second major conflict is about to come into play:
When Marty tries to get away from the Libyans, he hops in the DeLorean and floors the bitch! And he just-so-happened to forget that 88 MPH will sling-shot his ass back/forward in time. Well, he is just driving when he hit the dreaded 88! Shit, he's back in time now! He has to go back to the future! Pardon the pun.
Second major conflict; he's stuck in 1955. Well, shit! This is enough to base a movie on! A boy gets sent back in time and has to go back and save his friend from being shot! Good enough for me! But, wait...
HE'S OUT OF PLUTONIUM. And this is 1955, so it's even more scarce than in the future! Fuck! Three major problems and we're not even an hour in! This is still more-than-enough to make a film around...But wait, there's more!
Enter the fourth major problem; he prevents his parents from meeting, thus preventing them from getting married, having sex, and having him. Shit! It really isn't your day, is it Marty? You basically just erased yourself from history in under an hour of film! So, that's all the conflict right?
Wrong! In preventing his parents meeting, marrying and fucking; he also manages to make his own mother sexually attracted to him. Goddammit, Doc Brown! All he wanted to do was have naughty, teenage sex with Jennifer by the lake! You fucked him over! Five major problems (thus far)!
So after two hours of trying to get his parents to like one another, inadvertently creating rock n' roll, saving him and his siblings from non-existence, inventing the skateboard, making Biff his bitch we have one final major problem...
The lightning! The car! He's late! No, he's on time! Doc fucked up! No, Doc saved the day! Wait, what?! In a almost Bad Luck Brian-esque series of events, he finally manages to make it back to 1985...just to see Doc killed still and seeing himself going to the past again. Well, to be fair; Doc wore a bullet-proof vest because Marty wrote him a not warning him of the event...but what about the other Marty? What in the flying fuck happened to him? He had to do all this shit again? Just to watch it again? And again? And again? You fucked up big time, Doc. Big time.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
Answered Questions of 'The Shining'
For years, this has stumped so many people. However, on only my second-viewing; I feel confident that I have the meanings to the endless questions people have about this classic 1980 psychological horror film: The Shining.
Jack Torrance was Charles Grady.
In the beginning of the film when Jack is being interviewed for his job at The Overlook Hotel; Mr. Ullman tells him a grim and gruesome story about Charles Grady, a man who murdered his two daughters of ages eight and ten, as well as his wife and then he killed himself. Later in the film, however, when Jack talks to the ghost who is supposedly the man who killed them is now named Delbert. This has confused people for ages, but here's what I think:
Delbert and Charles Grady are not the same person; rather, they're brothers. I believe that Jack was Charles Grady in the past, and this would explain the final shot of the film being Jack in the 1921 photograph at The Gold Room. He was reincarnated from Charles Grady to recommit the same murders again. Delbert Grady would be Charles' brother. This explains why he is so kind to Jack and why he unlocks the freezer for him to go re-commit the crime. This takes care of what is often thought to be a gaping plot hole. This also shows that the final shot has a deeper meaning than anticipated. Remember just a month after they moved into the hotel that Jack tells Wendy: "I feel like I've been here before. That I knew what was going to be around every corner." Well, he has. Albeit in another lifetime.
Another plot "hole" it could explain is that when in the beginning Mr. Ullman gives the daughters ages as eight and ten, which would be impossible for twins to be two years apart. This would mean that Charles Grady (Jack) murdered his two daughters of different ages. While Delbert (His brother) describes his two daughters as 'running around somewhere'. They are running around trying to prevent Danny from the same ultimate fate. They could have shown themselves in a dead state to scare Danny into knowing what may happen to him.
I honestly feel this makes the best sense of any theory relating to The Shining, and that it was Stanley Kubrick's original intention.
Jack Torrance was Charles Grady.
In the beginning of the film when Jack is being interviewed for his job at The Overlook Hotel; Mr. Ullman tells him a grim and gruesome story about Charles Grady, a man who murdered his two daughters of ages eight and ten, as well as his wife and then he killed himself. Later in the film, however, when Jack talks to the ghost who is supposedly the man who killed them is now named Delbert. This has confused people for ages, but here's what I think:
Delbert and Charles Grady are not the same person; rather, they're brothers. I believe that Jack was Charles Grady in the past, and this would explain the final shot of the film being Jack in the 1921 photograph at The Gold Room. He was reincarnated from Charles Grady to recommit the same murders again. Delbert Grady would be Charles' brother. This explains why he is so kind to Jack and why he unlocks the freezer for him to go re-commit the crime. This takes care of what is often thought to be a gaping plot hole. This also shows that the final shot has a deeper meaning than anticipated. Remember just a month after they moved into the hotel that Jack tells Wendy: "I feel like I've been here before. That I knew what was going to be around every corner." Well, he has. Albeit in another lifetime.
Another plot "hole" it could explain is that when in the beginning Mr. Ullman gives the daughters ages as eight and ten, which would be impossible for twins to be two years apart. This would mean that Charles Grady (Jack) murdered his two daughters of different ages. While Delbert (His brother) describes his two daughters as 'running around somewhere'. They are running around trying to prevent Danny from the same ultimate fate. They could have shown themselves in a dead state to scare Danny into knowing what may happen to him.
I honestly feel this makes the best sense of any theory relating to The Shining, and that it was Stanley Kubrick's original intention.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Everyone Hates the Second Half of 'Full Metal Jacket' (But it's Actually Superior to the First)
Now, we've all at one point or another watched one of Stanley Kubrick's best films he ever made in his career: Full Metal Jacket. Well...the first half anyway...right?
Well, that's the consensus. Everyone praises the first half for being funny, dramatic and a staple in war films...despite not being in the war yet...However, as much as I enjoy the first half, (and trust me, I certainly do.) the second half is the better of the two.
Blasphemy! You shout incoherently at the computer scream, hoping I somehow manage to hear it. Well, no sir you are quite wrong. While the first half is very captivating, funny and has one hell of an ending; it's by no means a 'great piece of filmmaking'. Outside of its realism, (well, until Private Pyle goes apeshit and unloads on Sgt. Hartman...) it's just a regular film. Hell, it could pass as a comedy for all I care...again...until that ending, of course.
The second half, however, is a realistic, gritty and at-times unsettling look on war. The message, themes and tone of the second half; hell, even some of the humour, is superior to the first act.
From the opening shot of a Vietnamese prostitute hitting on Pvt. Joker and Rafter Man accompanied by These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra to the final shot of the now-dehumanised soldiers marching to The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse March is a great piece of war cinema.
So, suck it FML first-halfers!
Well, that's the consensus. Everyone praises the first half for being funny, dramatic and a staple in war films...despite not being in the war yet...However, as much as I enjoy the first half, (and trust me, I certainly do.) the second half is the better of the two.
Blasphemy! You shout incoherently at the computer scream, hoping I somehow manage to hear it. Well, no sir you are quite wrong. While the first half is very captivating, funny and has one hell of an ending; it's by no means a 'great piece of filmmaking'. Outside of its realism, (well, until Private Pyle goes apeshit and unloads on Sgt. Hartman...) it's just a regular film. Hell, it could pass as a comedy for all I care...again...until that ending, of course.
The second half, however, is a realistic, gritty and at-times unsettling look on war. The message, themes and tone of the second half; hell, even some of the humour, is superior to the first act.
From the opening shot of a Vietnamese prostitute hitting on Pvt. Joker and Rafter Man accompanied by These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra to the final shot of the now-dehumanised soldiers marching to The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse March is a great piece of war cinema.
So, suck it FML first-halfers!
Monday, June 10, 2013
I Suffer From 'Public Piss Syndrome' (And Why it Fucking Sucks)
I have PPS. Now, before you all jump on Google and look up: "What the hell is PPS?"; allow me to elaborate on this disease I just made up.
Public Piss Syndrome (PPS) is a common ailment that affects both men and women all across the globe. PPS is known for making it immensely difficult for pissing in a public setting; especially for men, considering we have those oh-so open devices called: "Urinals". It affects approximately 5.6 billion people on earth, and that statistic is complete-and-utter horseshit.
I developed PPS about two years ago after watching a goddamned film named: Waiting..., and in the film there is a character named Calvin. Calvin is a shy, pussy-whipped and a fellow PPS comrade. His shortcomings in the pisser are elaborated on mid-way through the film, when he tells the dishwasher Bishop about how he developed PPS. He goes into a long, detailed story about how once when the restaurant was closing, he was pissing at a urinal, and some sick-fuck Carrot Top impersonator walks past a million empty urinals and uses the one next to him...
...And then stares at his cock.
And after seeing this film; I quickly developed PPS and now whenever anyone is in the restroom with me; I freeze up and cannot drain my metaphorical lizard.
For fuck's sake! Help me find a cure for this horrid disease!
Public Piss Syndrome (PPS) is a common ailment that affects both men and women all across the globe. PPS is known for making it immensely difficult for pissing in a public setting; especially for men, considering we have those oh-so open devices called: "Urinals". It affects approximately 5.6 billion people on earth, and that statistic is complete-and-utter horseshit.
I developed PPS about two years ago after watching a goddamned film named: Waiting..., and in the film there is a character named Calvin. Calvin is a shy, pussy-whipped and a fellow PPS comrade. His shortcomings in the pisser are elaborated on mid-way through the film, when he tells the dishwasher Bishop about how he developed PPS. He goes into a long, detailed story about how once when the restaurant was closing, he was pissing at a urinal, and some sick-fuck Carrot Top impersonator walks past a million empty urinals and uses the one next to him...
...And then stares at his cock.
And after seeing this film; I quickly developed PPS and now whenever anyone is in the restroom with me; I freeze up and cannot drain my metaphorical lizard.
For fuck's sake! Help me find a cure for this horrid disease!
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