Showing posts with label Asshole. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Asshole. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Chasing Amy, the Film I Love the Most...
Chasing Amy is a 1997 romantic drama with comedy laced in-between. It was written and directed by Kevin Smith, most famous for his View Askew films. (Chasing Amy is included in the View Askewniverse, by the way.) The film stars two now-famous actors, Ben Affleck (Who would go on to win two Academy Awards for Good Will Hunting and Argo.) and Jason Lee (Famous for My Name is Earl and Alvin and the Chipmunks 1, 2 & 3) before they hit their respective status as A-list actors. In addition, it stars Joey Lauren Adams (Of Big Daddy, Dazed and Confused and Bio-Dome fame) as the love interest for Ben Affleck. (Coincidentally, Joey Lauren Adams was the real-life girlfriend of Kevin Smith at the time.)
This isn't any regular romantic film, you see. This one set itself apart for a variety of reasons (Ignoring the fact that it has openly homosexual characters.):
1. It was made independently. Originally to cost 1-2 million dollars with a cast consisting of Jon Stewart, David Schwimmer and Drew Barrymore. However, Kevin wanted to keep his cast of Ben, Jason and Joey and so with a budget of only $250,000; he made this flick with complete control.
2. It was only two votes away from an Academy Award nomination. The details aren't specific, but I assume it's safe to say that it would have been for either Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay or Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee. Mostly because those are the nominations it received from the Spirit Awards. (Winning both Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee, respectively.)
3. The titular "Amy" is not a character in the film; it's an expression coined by Silent Bob in his climatic speech near the end of the picture. This is rare for films to use a title that only comes into play at the tail-end of it.
Amy is not your average romantic-drama-comedy; it's far beyond it. It's a serious, interesting and truthful story about love, emotions and dealing with a lover's past. The comedy mainly in the beginning and from there it's scattered in-between the intense scenes to make it not such a morose, dumpy film. Because of the comedy, as well as Kevin Smith's status as a comedic director; this film was unfairly labelled as nothing more than another typical romantic comedy. Which is very, very unfortunate as it truly one of the greatest romances ever committed to cinema. ((500) Days of Summer and The Graduate are very close, though.)
Please go view this film; it's available for instant watch on Netflix and I'm certain you could find it online for free too. This is the most impacting film I have ever watched, and maybe it will be for you too.
This isn't any regular romantic film, you see. This one set itself apart for a variety of reasons (Ignoring the fact that it has openly homosexual characters.):
1. It was made independently. Originally to cost 1-2 million dollars with a cast consisting of Jon Stewart, David Schwimmer and Drew Barrymore. However, Kevin wanted to keep his cast of Ben, Jason and Joey and so with a budget of only $250,000; he made this flick with complete control.
2. It was only two votes away from an Academy Award nomination. The details aren't specific, but I assume it's safe to say that it would have been for either Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay or Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee. Mostly because those are the nominations it received from the Spirit Awards. (Winning both Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee, respectively.)
3. The titular "Amy" is not a character in the film; it's an expression coined by Silent Bob in his climatic speech near the end of the picture. This is rare for films to use a title that only comes into play at the tail-end of it.
Amy is not your average romantic-drama-comedy; it's far beyond it. It's a serious, interesting and truthful story about love, emotions and dealing with a lover's past. The comedy mainly in the beginning and from there it's scattered in-between the intense scenes to make it not such a morose, dumpy film. Because of the comedy, as well as Kevin Smith's status as a comedic director; this film was unfairly labelled as nothing more than another typical romantic comedy. Which is very, very unfortunate as it truly one of the greatest romances ever committed to cinema. ((500) Days of Summer and The Graduate are very close, though.)
Please go view this film; it's available for instant watch on Netflix and I'm certain you could find it online for free too. This is the most impacting film I have ever watched, and maybe it will be for you too.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Two Quotes From My Good Friend, Terrance.
I literally cannot get over how goddamn funny his quotes were!
In reference to nothing: "I am nigger."
In reference to anal porn: "She's not even struggling! She's taking it like a champ!"
Goddammit, I cannot stop laughing!
In reference to nothing: "I am nigger."
In reference to anal porn: "She's not even struggling! She's taking it like a champ!"
Goddammit, I cannot stop laughing!
Jack Did Strangle Danny; Here's the Proof
As it is always a work in process, I have noticed another implication about Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. Now, I watch this film kind of often now; and believe I have an idea for a moment that occurs in the film.
Do you remember when Jack was throwing the tennis ball at the wall and down the hall? From that, we can certainly imply that it is Jack's ball and it belongs to no one else, right?
Now, later in the flick when Danny is playing with his toys on the rugs; the tennis ball comes rolling toward him and Danny gets up and walks down the hall to room 237, which is open.
Now, a few minutes later we find Jack screaming and Wendy finds that Danny has been strangled (not dead, though) and his sweater torn. She then accuses Jack of doing it following his dream of killing her and their son. Now, he goes and talks to Lloyd the bartender and Wendy shows up to tell him a woman in the hotel did it.
Even when he sees the woman in the room, he comes back and tells Wendy that Danny must've done it to himself.
Now, here's where my idea kicks in.
The marks on Danny's neck and his ripped sweater would be too much for a boy his age to do. He simply couldn't, you see? So, with that; Danny is not responsible for self-harm.
Secondly, the notion of ghosts being real are deliberately played down to being all the nature of cabin fever, right? I think even though Jack is going crazy, he is still sane enough to realise the ghosts aren't real and that's why he tells Wendy there was no woman in room 237 even though he saw one. We never see her again, because she wasn't real and Jack knew it.
Going back to the tennis ball, I believe that Jack was waiting in room 237 for Danny, and so he threw the ball toward him to get his attention and once in the room, he tried to strangle him. Waking up from a 'trance' he realised what he did, told Danny to tell Wendy it was a woman, and he went back to the Colorado Lounge to pretty he was asleep.
Just a very rough idea in process, but it seems plausible, right?
Do you remember when Jack was throwing the tennis ball at the wall and down the hall? From that, we can certainly imply that it is Jack's ball and it belongs to no one else, right?
Now, later in the flick when Danny is playing with his toys on the rugs; the tennis ball comes rolling toward him and Danny gets up and walks down the hall to room 237, which is open.
Now, a few minutes later we find Jack screaming and Wendy finds that Danny has been strangled (not dead, though) and his sweater torn. She then accuses Jack of doing it following his dream of killing her and their son. Now, he goes and talks to Lloyd the bartender and Wendy shows up to tell him a woman in the hotel did it.
Even when he sees the woman in the room, he comes back and tells Wendy that Danny must've done it to himself.
Now, here's where my idea kicks in.
The marks on Danny's neck and his ripped sweater would be too much for a boy his age to do. He simply couldn't, you see? So, with that; Danny is not responsible for self-harm.
Secondly, the notion of ghosts being real are deliberately played down to being all the nature of cabin fever, right? I think even though Jack is going crazy, he is still sane enough to realise the ghosts aren't real and that's why he tells Wendy there was no woman in room 237 even though he saw one. We never see her again, because she wasn't real and Jack knew it.
Going back to the tennis ball, I believe that Jack was waiting in room 237 for Danny, and so he threw the ball toward him to get his attention and once in the room, he tried to strangle him. Waking up from a 'trance' he realised what he did, told Danny to tell Wendy it was a woman, and he went back to the Colorado Lounge to pretty he was asleep.
Just a very rough idea in process, but it seems plausible, right?
Holy Shit, There's Actually Still Good Music?
Goddammit, I've found a song from the past few years (2012, specifically) that I not only like a bit, that I actually really love! I was hella surprised, seeing as how most of the shit we see on today's charts are horrid rap music and shitty teen pop. So, what is the glorious song that I enjoy so well?
My fucking Lennon; if this isn't a way to boost the dying sales of folk rock, I don't know what is! Truly, no lies here; this song may find its way onto my list of all-time favourite songs because of how much it stands out, and how well it was executed.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Goddammit, I Really Am a Cynical Asshole...
Let me tell you, when I started this blog; I meant the name and the attitude to be sort of ironic. When I started, I was only mildly cynical and for the most part wanted to make fun of people who get upset and get cynical about things. However, in recent times I've realised that it's no longer an ironic joke; I really am a cynical asshole.
I hadn't thought much about it before, but when I was on my Facebook today; I was scrolling through the homepage and seeing all the new statuses and whatnot, when I realised that as I was seeing statuses and photos of people being happy and having fun; I was building in anger and being pissed.
It's weird, the people I was seeing were friends of mine, around my age and I've known them all my life. I like (most) of them. However, just seeing people having fun really pissed me off. It's odd, I began to realise that even in "fun" situations, I still cannot recall having any true fun.
Like when I was a kid, I was always in a pissy mood during trips, or anything of the sort. Fuck! That was when I was a child! I don't know why I am like this, but I'm actually kind of freaked out about how cynical I've become over my illustrious fifteen years on this planet.
I hadn't thought much about it before, but when I was on my Facebook today; I was scrolling through the homepage and seeing all the new statuses and whatnot, when I realised that as I was seeing statuses and photos of people being happy and having fun; I was building in anger and being pissed.
It's weird, the people I was seeing were friends of mine, around my age and I've known them all my life. I like (most) of them. However, just seeing people having fun really pissed me off. It's odd, I began to realise that even in "fun" situations, I still cannot recall having any true fun.
Like when I was a kid, I was always in a pissy mood during trips, or anything of the sort. Fuck! That was when I was a child! I don't know why I am like this, but I'm actually kind of freaked out about how cynical I've become over my illustrious fifteen years on this planet.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Tonight, I Play the Midnight Game
What's the Midnight Game, you ponder? Well, give me a fucking second and I'll elaborate:
The Midnight Game was originally conceived as punishment for those who doubted and questioned the Pagan religion. Me being a stout atheist, I might as well suffer it too, y'know?
The rules are simple(ish). First, you take a piece of blank paper and write your full name on it. (first, middle and last) Then, you poke your finger and get a drop of blood and smear it next to your name on the piece of paper.
Next, just before 12:00 AM, you place the paper down on the ground in front of your front door, light a candle and place it on top of the paper; knock 22 times on your front (wooden) door making the twenty-second knock exactly at 12.
Then, you open your front door, blow out your candle, and re-light it. You have just invited the midnight man into your home. Equipped with nothing more than your lit candle and a container of salt, you must now wonder around your house in complete darkness until 3:33 AM.
Signs you're close to the Midnight Man are as follows: a sudden change in temperature, or your candle going out mysteriously. If that happens, you must either re-light your candle within ten seconds or stop in place, create a circle of salt where you are, and stay there for the rest of the night.
At 3:33, if you followed the instructions well, will be free of the Midnight Man. But from now on, he will always be watching you.
The Midnight Game was originally conceived as punishment for those who doubted and questioned the Pagan religion. Me being a stout atheist, I might as well suffer it too, y'know?
The rules are simple(ish). First, you take a piece of blank paper and write your full name on it. (first, middle and last) Then, you poke your finger and get a drop of blood and smear it next to your name on the piece of paper.
Next, just before 12:00 AM, you place the paper down on the ground in front of your front door, light a candle and place it on top of the paper; knock 22 times on your front (wooden) door making the twenty-second knock exactly at 12.
Then, you open your front door, blow out your candle, and re-light it. You have just invited the midnight man into your home. Equipped with nothing more than your lit candle and a container of salt, you must now wonder around your house in complete darkness until 3:33 AM.
Signs you're close to the Midnight Man are as follows: a sudden change in temperature, or your candle going out mysteriously. If that happens, you must either re-light your candle within ten seconds or stop in place, create a circle of salt where you are, and stay there for the rest of the night.
At 3:33, if you followed the instructions well, will be free of the Midnight Man. But from now on, he will always be watching you.
Fuck You, I'm Uncircumcised
I don't know why here in the United States that the mutilation of dicks is such a common practice. I'm goddamn happy that my parents didn't let the doctors cut off my manhood! In case you don't know, circumcision is the horrifying act of cutting a newly-born baby's foreskin off!
I feel so bad for everyone who has gotten the unfortunate procedure done to them! How dare they do it at birth; why not let the kid decide, goddammit! It is his cock, you know?
Jesus, shit like this gets me so pissed off.
I feel so bad for everyone who has gotten the unfortunate procedure done to them! How dare they do it at birth; why not let the kid decide, goddammit! It is his cock, you know?
Jesus, shit like this gets me so pissed off.
Bitter Ramblings From an Author with ADHD.
Okay, well, I actually don't have ADHD; or at least I haven't been formally diagnosed. But no matter, because I have a horrid tendency to start something, become encompassed in it completely, then never finish it. Fuck, does this annoy me! If one was to search through my computer long enough, and managed to completely miss all of the fucked up, depraved porn on there, they'd find a stash of plot outlines, character sheets, unfinished books, individual chapters, unfinished screenplays. The whole nine yards, basically.
A part of me is really turned on by the fact that I have so much work to complete before I bite the dust. I mean, think about it: I'm fifteen, so if I have a seemingly-endless collection of work begging to be finished, and I do this all of the time; then I never have to worry about "writer's block". I have an infinite slew of stuff to do! If I ever grow tired of writing a book about an Arabian midget and his struggle to become a woman, well then I have a whole different book about a Chilean man and his love affair with a toaster! I never have to worry about finding new ideas! Yay!
On the flip-side, however...I'll never be able to finish it all! If I keep doing this shit, by the time I pass on, I will have a whole library of unfinished work! Why is this horrible, you wonder? Well, what if I become a well-respected author and the books and screenplays I do manage to finish in my life are critically acclaimed; then all of the sudden I drop dead of a massive heart attack at age 40. Uh-oh, this isn't good. Now twenty years after I pass, two-or-three yuppie assholes are going to try and "complete my work" and they fuck it up worse than I could've ever done. I'd haunt their asses!
Plus, a lot of my work is shit. Really bad shit, I might add. But they have the potential to be brilliant! What if someone stumbles onto my work and they read it and go: "Jesus H. Christ! This fucking sucks!" and then my reputation and/or memories as a good writer are tarnished! Fuck! Most of the shit on my computer will be from my youth. So, of course it'll fucking blow donkey dick! They won't know that, though!
I guess there are pros and cons to the matter, but regardless I just want to begin and finish a project in one fucking sitting, goddammit!
A part of me is really turned on by the fact that I have so much work to complete before I bite the dust. I mean, think about it: I'm fifteen, so if I have a seemingly-endless collection of work begging to be finished, and I do this all of the time; then I never have to worry about "writer's block". I have an infinite slew of stuff to do! If I ever grow tired of writing a book about an Arabian midget and his struggle to become a woman, well then I have a whole different book about a Chilean man and his love affair with a toaster! I never have to worry about finding new ideas! Yay!
On the flip-side, however...I'll never be able to finish it all! If I keep doing this shit, by the time I pass on, I will have a whole library of unfinished work! Why is this horrible, you wonder? Well, what if I become a well-respected author and the books and screenplays I do manage to finish in my life are critically acclaimed; then all of the sudden I drop dead of a massive heart attack at age 40. Uh-oh, this isn't good. Now twenty years after I pass, two-or-three yuppie assholes are going to try and "complete my work" and they fuck it up worse than I could've ever done. I'd haunt their asses!
Plus, a lot of my work is shit. Really bad shit, I might add. But they have the potential to be brilliant! What if someone stumbles onto my work and they read it and go: "Jesus H. Christ! This fucking sucks!" and then my reputation and/or memories as a good writer are tarnished! Fuck! Most of the shit on my computer will be from my youth. So, of course it'll fucking blow donkey dick! They won't know that, though!
I guess there are pros and cons to the matter, but regardless I just want to begin and finish a project in one fucking sitting, goddammit!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Last Night I Talked to Ghosts, and Shit
I was rather bored last night, and being a terrible insomniac, I wasn't sleeping. So, whilst reading some creepypastas and being scared shitless; I wanted to start fuckin' with some ghosts. I'm a sceptic of the paranormal, you see? Even though when I was a small child I saw "shadow people" all the time.
So, last night I read up about this game called: "The Ouija Cards" which I'll give you gist on what to do:
1. Take a deck of normal playing cards.
2. Sprinkle them with salt.
3. Shuffle them.
4. Place them in three, two columned rows with six cards in each.
5. Light a candle and place it above the cards. (Like on a desk, or table.)
6. Ask it questions.
You move your hands slowly over each card and when it feels overwhelmingly warm you flip it over and it answers your "yes/no" question.
A card with a heart means yes, a spade means no, diamonds mean maybe and a club means unsure.
I was hella scared when I asked it the time, the date and my name and got all the right answers accordingly. (i.e "Is my name Josh?" and I would flip over a heart.)
It was hella creepy.
So, last night I read up about this game called: "The Ouija Cards" which I'll give you gist on what to do:
1. Take a deck of normal playing cards.
2. Sprinkle them with salt.
3. Shuffle them.
4. Place them in three, two columned rows with six cards in each.
5. Light a candle and place it above the cards. (Like on a desk, or table.)
6. Ask it questions.
You move your hands slowly over each card and when it feels overwhelmingly warm you flip it over and it answers your "yes/no" question.
A card with a heart means yes, a spade means no, diamonds mean maybe and a club means unsure.
I was hella scared when I asked it the time, the date and my name and got all the right answers accordingly. (i.e "Is my name Josh?" and I would flip over a heart.)
It was hella creepy.
Monday, June 24, 2013
So, I'm Popular in Russia...
Russia is apparently my second biggest country for views (America, obviously, being my first). I was actually very surprised upon reading that! I had no idea that the Russians love me so much! Is it because I like Regina Spektor? Or possibly because I'm in favour of pure communism? Perhaps it's because one of the few songs I like written by Paul McCartney is Back in the USSR? Maybe it's even because I really want to bang Mila Kunis? (She was born in the Soviet Union, y'know?)
Perhaps it's a bit of all of those things. Maybe, and hold on 'cause this one is crazy; maybe they like my content? I know, right? Crazy. I don't think any of those previously aforementioned facts were ever made known until litterally 9 lines ago...fuck, that number keeps showing up in my life; I need to make a post about that shit, it's scaring me now. Anyway, I just thought I'd thank my Russian fans for the views. It's always appreciated.
Perhaps it's a bit of all of those things. Maybe, and hold on 'cause this one is crazy; maybe they like my content? I know, right? Crazy. I don't think any of those previously aforementioned facts were ever made known until litterally 9 lines ago...fuck, that number keeps showing up in my life; I need to make a post about that shit, it's scaring me now. Anyway, I just thought I'd thank my Russian fans for the views. It's always appreciated.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Fuck You, I Like 'Revolution 9'
People often disdain this song for no good reason other than the fact that it's avant-garde. Well, I have some news, motherfuckers, different can be good. Imagine if The Beatles never tried anything different?
They'd have stopped after A Hard Day's Night, would be forgotten; and their greatest song would be And, I Love Her.
Listen, experimentation is good! I for one love the shit out of Revolution 9, it's a weird-ass compilation of sounds to illustrate the rise, fall and aftermath of a revolution. Brilliantly done, I might add. A lot of people complain that it's "too scary" for them to listen to.
Who the fuck gets scared by a Beatles' song? Dumb motherfuckers, I suppose.
Listen, I get that it's not for everyone; but don't unfairly bash it and hail it the "worst" Beatles' song. It isn't; the absolute worst Beatles' song is Honey Pie. Seriously, fuck that song and any song by Paul during his 'granny shit' phase.
They'd have stopped after A Hard Day's Night, would be forgotten; and their greatest song would be And, I Love Her.
Listen, experimentation is good! I for one love the shit out of Revolution 9, it's a weird-ass compilation of sounds to illustrate the rise, fall and aftermath of a revolution. Brilliantly done, I might add. A lot of people complain that it's "too scary" for them to listen to.
Who the fuck gets scared by a Beatles' song? Dumb motherfuckers, I suppose.
Listen, I get that it's not for everyone; but don't unfairly bash it and hail it the "worst" Beatles' song. It isn't; the absolute worst Beatles' song is Honey Pie. Seriously, fuck that song and any song by Paul during his 'granny shit' phase.
And Now, My Top 10 Favourite Books
Last time, I did the five books I was enjoying at that moment in time; now, I bring to you my top ten favourite books of all time (non-fiction and fiction included.):
10. In His Own Write - John Lennon
So, this is a book of nonsense poetry and stories. It's not a technically 'great' book, but it is perfect for a lark and is a great, short read. It's also noteworthy for being the first non-Beatles thing any of the four ever did. John also wrote two more books entitled: A Spaniard in the Works and Skywriting by Word of Mouth. Neither had quite the impact his first book had on me.
9. Journey to the Centre of the Earth - Jules Verne
It may seem a tad distant than my previous choice, y'know? However, I'm quite fond of this story and of the characters. May I also express my love for the original film, as well. The remake/reboot/whatever-the-fuck was just horrible. But, I will say that both the novel and original film are both ranking high in both my literary and film favourites.
8. John - Cynthia Lennon
By Lennon, Journey to the Centre of the Earth is sandwiched in-between two Lennon books! One by him and one about him! In this non-fiction biography by his first wife, Cynthia, John tells about the relationship they had together and in spite of all the negative aspects she brings to the forefront about John's life; she counter-balances it by talking about how much they loved one another, how horrid John's life was and how fame so young ruined both their marriage, and his relationship with his first son Julian.
7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
This is a pseudo-fiction, pseudo-non-fiction book by Hunter S. Thompson based upon two real-life trips to Las Vegas that he took with a man by the name of Oscar Zeta Acosta. Of course, because it's technically fiction he embellishes and makes things up; but on the whole, this novel is based on real events, as well as the numerous LSD trips Thompson and Acosta took during their lovely trips.
6. Why We Suck - Denis Leary
Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud and Lazy is the first book by Dr. Denis Leary, who actually received an honorary doctorate from Emerson College. Denis is most well-known for his first comedy special No Cure for Cancer in which many suspect he took a great deal of material from former friend and fellow comedian Bill Hicks; however, I don't agree. He's also well-known for my favourite television programme of all-time Rescue Me. In this book it's partially autobiography, partially essays, partially jokes; well, you get the point.
5. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Fuck you, I like this book. I can relate to Holden Caulfield; I am a bitchy adolescent who just wants to find his place in the world. Now, some of you may find it a tad ironic that a list of favourite books includes a book about John Lennon and a book by John Lennon, and a book that inspired Mark David Chapman to shoot-and-kill John Lennon are all on the same list. Well, simply put; J.D Salinger didn't write the book with hopes MDC would kill John. I mean, no shit.
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
Now, be aware I love both the novel and the film; and the film I love much, much more. But I still love the fuck out of this novel! I like the idea of a regular guy unneededly put into a mental asylum filled with 'crazy' people and he helps them love who they are and to challenge authority! I'm kind of anti-authority myself, so it makes sense.
3. Napalm and Silly Putty - George Carlin
Last non-fiction book on the list. I love all of Carlin's books, but I feel that this one was really his best. I mean, George is my favourite comedian of all-time; and to have a book of his best material, thoughts and opinions? Genius! Sure, it was his third book; but it's still his best. Not to mention this book inspired me to write Poppycock.
2. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
It was pretty tough putting this book at number two because of the sheer impact it had on me whilst reading it; however, I still stand by my number one choice and feel that, while this novella is terrific and a real statement on society and how we view morality; the final chapter (thankfully omitted from the US version and the film) just ruins everything. A book about a teenager who loves rape, murder and violence suddenly reforms completely and moves on? I don't care if he's older, Alex is a fucking sociopath and you know it! You can't change shit like that! Didn't we establish the Ludovico technique didn't even work on him and he was just playing along? Come on now, Anthony!
1. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
I don't give a shit what anyone says. This is the most poetic, allegorical, statement on society, view of morality, view of innocence and exploration for the inherent evil of humanity is simply the greatest work of fiction because it's very much like a non-fiction book! It is simply the greatest and most well-thought out books of all-time. I mean, the ending marking the end of innocence is fucking beautiful.
10. In His Own Write - John Lennon
So, this is a book of nonsense poetry and stories. It's not a technically 'great' book, but it is perfect for a lark and is a great, short read. It's also noteworthy for being the first non-Beatles thing any of the four ever did. John also wrote two more books entitled: A Spaniard in the Works and Skywriting by Word of Mouth. Neither had quite the impact his first book had on me.
9. Journey to the Centre of the Earth - Jules Verne
It may seem a tad distant than my previous choice, y'know? However, I'm quite fond of this story and of the characters. May I also express my love for the original film, as well. The remake/reboot/whatever-the-fuck was just horrible. But, I will say that both the novel and original film are both ranking high in both my literary and film favourites.
8. John - Cynthia Lennon
By Lennon, Journey to the Centre of the Earth is sandwiched in-between two Lennon books! One by him and one about him! In this non-fiction biography by his first wife, Cynthia, John tells about the relationship they had together and in spite of all the negative aspects she brings to the forefront about John's life; she counter-balances it by talking about how much they loved one another, how horrid John's life was and how fame so young ruined both their marriage, and his relationship with his first son Julian.
7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
This is a pseudo-fiction, pseudo-non-fiction book by Hunter S. Thompson based upon two real-life trips to Las Vegas that he took with a man by the name of Oscar Zeta Acosta. Of course, because it's technically fiction he embellishes and makes things up; but on the whole, this novel is based on real events, as well as the numerous LSD trips Thompson and Acosta took during their lovely trips.
6. Why We Suck - Denis Leary
Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud and Lazy is the first book by Dr. Denis Leary, who actually received an honorary doctorate from Emerson College. Denis is most well-known for his first comedy special No Cure for Cancer in which many suspect he took a great deal of material from former friend and fellow comedian Bill Hicks; however, I don't agree. He's also well-known for my favourite television programme of all-time Rescue Me. In this book it's partially autobiography, partially essays, partially jokes; well, you get the point.
5. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Fuck you, I like this book. I can relate to Holden Caulfield; I am a bitchy adolescent who just wants to find his place in the world. Now, some of you may find it a tad ironic that a list of favourite books includes a book about John Lennon and a book by John Lennon, and a book that inspired Mark David Chapman to shoot-and-kill John Lennon are all on the same list. Well, simply put; J.D Salinger didn't write the book with hopes MDC would kill John. I mean, no shit.
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
Now, be aware I love both the novel and the film; and the film I love much, much more. But I still love the fuck out of this novel! I like the idea of a regular guy unneededly put into a mental asylum filled with 'crazy' people and he helps them love who they are and to challenge authority! I'm kind of anti-authority myself, so it makes sense.
3. Napalm and Silly Putty - George Carlin
Last non-fiction book on the list. I love all of Carlin's books, but I feel that this one was really his best. I mean, George is my favourite comedian of all-time; and to have a book of his best material, thoughts and opinions? Genius! Sure, it was his third book; but it's still his best. Not to mention this book inspired me to write Poppycock.
2. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
It was pretty tough putting this book at number two because of the sheer impact it had on me whilst reading it; however, I still stand by my number one choice and feel that, while this novella is terrific and a real statement on society and how we view morality; the final chapter (thankfully omitted from the US version and the film) just ruins everything. A book about a teenager who loves rape, murder and violence suddenly reforms completely and moves on? I don't care if he's older, Alex is a fucking sociopath and you know it! You can't change shit like that! Didn't we establish the Ludovico technique didn't even work on him and he was just playing along? Come on now, Anthony!
1. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
I don't give a shit what anyone says. This is the most poetic, allegorical, statement on society, view of morality, view of innocence and exploration for the inherent evil of humanity is simply the greatest work of fiction because it's very much like a non-fiction book! It is simply the greatest and most well-thought out books of all-time. I mean, the ending marking the end of innocence is fucking beautiful.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Explaining the Plot of 'Back to the Future' was More Difficult Than I Thought!
Back to the Future, you ask? Yes, the classic 1985 film about Marty McFly, a popular teenager with a beautiful girlfriend and a bright future. Marty has a couple of problems, though. First off his father is a weak-willed dweep, his mother's a drunk and he's lower-middle class. These are typical problems that typical teenagers across the world face. Well, his troubles don't stop there.
Enter Doctor Emmett Brown, or Doc for short. He's a wacky, seemingly-ludicrous man who thinks he's managed to time travel using a DeLorean. Pretty crazy, right? Except he can. Doc Brown actually perfected time-travel with plutonium, a flux-capacitor and 1.21 jigawatts at the perfect speed of 88 MPH! Well, the first major conflict is introduced when the Libyans that Doc ripped off the plutonium from have come back literally moments after demonstrating how time-travel is possible. What do these nice, peaceful Libyans do to Doc? They waste the motherfucker.
Holy fuck! I thought this movie was PG! I just watched two stereotypes shoot the fuck out of an ageing doctor! So, that's the first major conflict. The second major conflict is about to come into play:
When Marty tries to get away from the Libyans, he hops in the DeLorean and floors the bitch! And he just-so-happened to forget that 88 MPH will sling-shot his ass back/forward in time. Well, he is just driving when he hit the dreaded 88! Shit, he's back in time now! He has to go back to the future! Pardon the pun.
Second major conflict; he's stuck in 1955. Well, shit! This is enough to base a movie on! A boy gets sent back in time and has to go back and save his friend from being shot! Good enough for me! But, wait...
HE'S OUT OF PLUTONIUM. And this is 1955, so it's even more scarce than in the future! Fuck! Three major problems and we're not even an hour in! This is still more-than-enough to make a film around...But wait, there's more!
Enter the fourth major problem; he prevents his parents from meeting, thus preventing them from getting married, having sex, and having him. Shit! It really isn't your day, is it Marty? You basically just erased yourself from history in under an hour of film! So, that's all the conflict right?
Wrong! In preventing his parents meeting, marrying and fucking; he also manages to make his own mother sexually attracted to him. Goddammit, Doc Brown! All he wanted to do was have naughty, teenage sex with Jennifer by the lake! You fucked him over! Five major problems (thus far)!
So after two hours of trying to get his parents to like one another, inadvertently creating rock n' roll, saving him and his siblings from non-existence, inventing the skateboard, making Biff his bitch we have one final major problem...
The lightning! The car! He's late! No, he's on time! Doc fucked up! No, Doc saved the day! Wait, what?! In a almost Bad Luck Brian-esque series of events, he finally manages to make it back to 1985...just to see Doc killed still and seeing himself going to the past again. Well, to be fair; Doc wore a bullet-proof vest because Marty wrote him a not warning him of the event...but what about the other Marty? What in the flying fuck happened to him? He had to do all this shit again? Just to watch it again? And again? And again? You fucked up big time, Doc. Big time.
Enter Doctor Emmett Brown, or Doc for short. He's a wacky, seemingly-ludicrous man who thinks he's managed to time travel using a DeLorean. Pretty crazy, right? Except he can. Doc Brown actually perfected time-travel with plutonium, a flux-capacitor and 1.21 jigawatts at the perfect speed of 88 MPH! Well, the first major conflict is introduced when the Libyans that Doc ripped off the plutonium from have come back literally moments after demonstrating how time-travel is possible. What do these nice, peaceful Libyans do to Doc? They waste the motherfucker.
Holy fuck! I thought this movie was PG! I just watched two stereotypes shoot the fuck out of an ageing doctor! So, that's the first major conflict. The second major conflict is about to come into play:
When Marty tries to get away from the Libyans, he hops in the DeLorean and floors the bitch! And he just-so-happened to forget that 88 MPH will sling-shot his ass back/forward in time. Well, he is just driving when he hit the dreaded 88! Shit, he's back in time now! He has to go back to the future! Pardon the pun.
Second major conflict; he's stuck in 1955. Well, shit! This is enough to base a movie on! A boy gets sent back in time and has to go back and save his friend from being shot! Good enough for me! But, wait...
HE'S OUT OF PLUTONIUM. And this is 1955, so it's even more scarce than in the future! Fuck! Three major problems and we're not even an hour in! This is still more-than-enough to make a film around...But wait, there's more!
Enter the fourth major problem; he prevents his parents from meeting, thus preventing them from getting married, having sex, and having him. Shit! It really isn't your day, is it Marty? You basically just erased yourself from history in under an hour of film! So, that's all the conflict right?
Wrong! In preventing his parents meeting, marrying and fucking; he also manages to make his own mother sexually attracted to him. Goddammit, Doc Brown! All he wanted to do was have naughty, teenage sex with Jennifer by the lake! You fucked him over! Five major problems (thus far)!
So after two hours of trying to get his parents to like one another, inadvertently creating rock n' roll, saving him and his siblings from non-existence, inventing the skateboard, making Biff his bitch we have one final major problem...
The lightning! The car! He's late! No, he's on time! Doc fucked up! No, Doc saved the day! Wait, what?! In a almost Bad Luck Brian-esque series of events, he finally manages to make it back to 1985...just to see Doc killed still and seeing himself going to the past again. Well, to be fair; Doc wore a bullet-proof vest because Marty wrote him a not warning him of the event...but what about the other Marty? What in the flying fuck happened to him? He had to do all this shit again? Just to watch it again? And again? And again? You fucked up big time, Doc. Big time.
A Collection of 5 Books I Enjoy
That's right, these aren't necessarily my favourite books of all-time; just the ones I enjoy quite a bit at this particular moment in time, you see? I hope you enjoy my list and if you don't agree with my favourites, why not leave yours in the comments?
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (1962)
Yeah, yeah, yeah; you all saw this coming. I love the shit out of both the novella by Anthony Burgess and the film adaptation by Stanley Kubrick. Granted, I love the film a lot more than the novella because of the changes made to it, the soundtrack and the way Stanley Kubrick incorporated his views on society into an already great piece of literature. Hell, I consider A Clockwork Orange to be Kubrick's magnum opus! However, the way Mr. Burgess wrote this novella was brilliant, to say the absolute least. Not to mention how goddamned wonderful Nadsat is! I speak in Nadsat all the time in my daily life and no one understands me! I'm not ranking these in any particular order, or anything, but I actually consider A Clockwork Orange to be my favourite piece of literature of all-time.
Lord of the Flies by William Golding (1954)
Now, I can already feel the hate that'll be given to me for this choice. Yeah, we all had to read this in high school, I get it. You don't associate the book with good times. However, even though I first completed the book while in high school; I started reading it about a year earlier, but never had the motivation to finish it. When I did, though, I was blown away by how deep and allegorical the novel is! I love how much it uses allusions and how, like A Clockwork Orange, it's a study on human nature and the concept of morality. Not only one of my favourites of the moment, one of my favourite of all-time.
The Dark Half by Stephen King (1989)
Now, a lot of people don't think of Stephen King as a truly great author. I mean, let's play a game:
Quick! Where are does this book take place? That's right, Maine.
Quick! Who's the main character? That's right, an alcoholic writer.
Quick! Is this alcoholic writer from Maine crazy? That's right, he is.
Now, chances are, you've never read this book. So, how did you know the answers? Because it's Stephen King's basics. Granted, it's not a ground-breaking piece of literature that offers something new to the table; but goddammit, it's an underrated novel that deserves much more credit than it gets! It's not a great book, I concur, but it's a very good book that is far better than most of King's novels. What I really like about it is how he alludes the events in the story to the real-life event of him being outed as Richard Bachman, his pen-name. That's pretty cool, y'know?
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (1951)
Another example of a book that is widely-introduced through English classes around the country. Yeah, it's kind of overrated, I agree. But you don't become overrated by being a shitty book! This is an excellent piece of literature for those in my age group, teenagers on the verge of adulthood. Everything from the anti-hero Holden Caulfield and his identity crisis, as well as his swearing tendencies, and need for belonging make him a relatable protagonist and central character for a superior book.
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck (1972)
Well, lookey-lookey; another fucking book from English class. I must admit, I wasn't too thrilled to read a book entitled: A Day No Pigs Would Die, but the story was pretty emotional and very heartbreaking. But also very heartwarming in the way that we watched Rob develop from a immature adolescent to a responsible young man whom his father can trust after he passes on. Then when you realise it was an autobiographical novel, it's like, holy shit, this actually happened?! I enjoy the book a lot, but I wouldn't call it an all-time favourite, yet. Granted, I am premature to it.
Thanks for the read and I have a lot more in store.
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (1962)
Yeah, yeah, yeah; you all saw this coming. I love the shit out of both the novella by Anthony Burgess and the film adaptation by Stanley Kubrick. Granted, I love the film a lot more than the novella because of the changes made to it, the soundtrack and the way Stanley Kubrick incorporated his views on society into an already great piece of literature. Hell, I consider A Clockwork Orange to be Kubrick's magnum opus! However, the way Mr. Burgess wrote this novella was brilliant, to say the absolute least. Not to mention how goddamned wonderful Nadsat is! I speak in Nadsat all the time in my daily life and no one understands me! I'm not ranking these in any particular order, or anything, but I actually consider A Clockwork Orange to be my favourite piece of literature of all-time.
Lord of the Flies by William Golding (1954)
Now, I can already feel the hate that'll be given to me for this choice. Yeah, we all had to read this in high school, I get it. You don't associate the book with good times. However, even though I first completed the book while in high school; I started reading it about a year earlier, but never had the motivation to finish it. When I did, though, I was blown away by how deep and allegorical the novel is! I love how much it uses allusions and how, like A Clockwork Orange, it's a study on human nature and the concept of morality. Not only one of my favourites of the moment, one of my favourite of all-time.
The Dark Half by Stephen King (1989)
Now, a lot of people don't think of Stephen King as a truly great author. I mean, let's play a game:
Quick! Where are does this book take place? That's right, Maine.
Quick! Who's the main character? That's right, an alcoholic writer.
Quick! Is this alcoholic writer from Maine crazy? That's right, he is.
Now, chances are, you've never read this book. So, how did you know the answers? Because it's Stephen King's basics. Granted, it's not a ground-breaking piece of literature that offers something new to the table; but goddammit, it's an underrated novel that deserves much more credit than it gets! It's not a great book, I concur, but it's a very good book that is far better than most of King's novels. What I really like about it is how he alludes the events in the story to the real-life event of him being outed as Richard Bachman, his pen-name. That's pretty cool, y'know?
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (1951)
Another example of a book that is widely-introduced through English classes around the country. Yeah, it's kind of overrated, I agree. But you don't become overrated by being a shitty book! This is an excellent piece of literature for those in my age group, teenagers on the verge of adulthood. Everything from the anti-hero Holden Caulfield and his identity crisis, as well as his swearing tendencies, and need for belonging make him a relatable protagonist and central character for a superior book.
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck (1972)
Well, lookey-lookey; another fucking book from English class. I must admit, I wasn't too thrilled to read a book entitled: A Day No Pigs Would Die, but the story was pretty emotional and very heartbreaking. But also very heartwarming in the way that we watched Rob develop from a immature adolescent to a responsible young man whom his father can trust after he passes on. Then when you realise it was an autobiographical novel, it's like, holy shit, this actually happened?! I enjoy the book a lot, but I wouldn't call it an all-time favourite, yet. Granted, I am premature to it.
Thanks for the read and I have a lot more in store.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Goddammit, I'm Getting Lazy
I seriously need to get my shit together! I haven't been posting as frequently as I should and it's bumming me out! I'm really sorry about everything, and all. I have no excuse except being a lazy fuck.
I just finished writing a book so I've been worrying about whoring that out to the masses and whatnot, so I suppose I have a (shitty) excuse.
I do hope you can forgive me; I have a shit-ton of ideas floating around for new lists and posts. So, bear with me for just a bit and I'll start writing a lot more.
Really, I think I just got exhausted from writing two, or three posts a day! When you start something, you always thrust yourself into it and do a lot, never realising you're expected to do it daily! So, please accept my apology and in due time, I'll start writing much more.
Thanks.
I just finished writing a book so I've been worrying about whoring that out to the masses and whatnot, so I suppose I have a (shitty) excuse.
I do hope you can forgive me; I have a shit-ton of ideas floating around for new lists and posts. So, bear with me for just a bit and I'll start writing a lot more.
Really, I think I just got exhausted from writing two, or three posts a day! When you start something, you always thrust yourself into it and do a lot, never realising you're expected to do it daily! So, please accept my apology and in due time, I'll start writing much more.
Thanks.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
My Book: "The Illusions Time Brings" is Out Now!
Please purchase my second book and first fiction piece: The Illusions Time Bring for a very humble price of only $2.82! At: goo.gl/bihgh
The book is not the same book I was working on previously, by the way. This book is a novellete, is 79 pages and a little over 7,000 words.
It's a satire in the same vein as Dr. Strangelove and A Clockwork Orange. It's a serious book, but it's highly exaggerated and is often times played for laughs.
It's set in the near-future when violence and lust is rampant and we follow a 13-year-old boy with a strong criminal history and a very serious second-degree murder charge on his plate. The first six chapters take place during the single day at court and what he thinks, feels and dreams about during it. The final chapter is him in prison five years later with a new lease on life that is eventually changed.
I really recommend checking it out, it would mean the world to me, y'know? Thanks in advance, by the way.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
I'm Currently Beginning a Novella.
That's right; my second book. However, this time I opted to write a piece of fiction instead of a book of essays and jokes. The book is a psychological thriller, to a certain degree. It's heavily influenced by the book A Clockwork Orange.
Also, yes, I meant the book. As much as I love the film and it's interpretation of Anthony Burgess' original novel; I more-or-less liked the ideas and philosophies of the novella.
By the way, in case you didn't know, a novella is a piece of literature which is too long to be a short story, but too short to be a novel.
The idea behind the story is of a dying old man who is intelligent, well-spoken and charming. After finding out that he will be dead within a few days, he goes into a bar and begins to tell the barkeep a story about a young man who went out and murdered people by the dozens, but was never caught. His story goes on for quite some time and as the book finishes up; the man heavily implies that it was he who committed the murders. But the final line will be quite a shock that you will never see coming. (I know, I know. Twist endings are always shitty; but this one is actually pretty deep and unexpected.)
I plan on it being 100 to 120 pages and it will be published through TheBookPatch. It will be more-or-less a satire and will be played more for laughs and poking fun at things instead of a gritty crime-drama that people may expect.
So, if my posts become a tad fewer and less consistent, please do not worry. I will plan on updating at least once a day; and perhaps more. If I write at least ten pages a day, I'll be over before I know it. Also, one more thing; the narrator will be unreliable, so do not hang on to everything he says as fact/fiction. It plays out in the ending.
Also, yes, I meant the book. As much as I love the film and it's interpretation of Anthony Burgess' original novel; I more-or-less liked the ideas and philosophies of the novella.
By the way, in case you didn't know, a novella is a piece of literature which is too long to be a short story, but too short to be a novel.
The idea behind the story is of a dying old man who is intelligent, well-spoken and charming. After finding out that he will be dead within a few days, he goes into a bar and begins to tell the barkeep a story about a young man who went out and murdered people by the dozens, but was never caught. His story goes on for quite some time and as the book finishes up; the man heavily implies that it was he who committed the murders. But the final line will be quite a shock that you will never see coming. (I know, I know. Twist endings are always shitty; but this one is actually pretty deep and unexpected.)
I plan on it being 100 to 120 pages and it will be published through TheBookPatch. It will be more-or-less a satire and will be played more for laughs and poking fun at things instead of a gritty crime-drama that people may expect.
So, if my posts become a tad fewer and less consistent, please do not worry. I will plan on updating at least once a day; and perhaps more. If I write at least ten pages a day, I'll be over before I know it. Also, one more thing; the narrator will be unreliable, so do not hang on to everything he says as fact/fiction. It plays out in the ending.
My Apologies for My Absense Today...
I had to take leave on personal matters. (Personal matters you ask? Well, fuck you! It's personal!) This required me getting up at the ripe time of 6:45 and returning home around 1:30. Holy shit, was I tired!
For someone who never sleeps, I sure as shit slept a lot today. I didn't really dream of anything, though. Which is a first for me, I typically sleep only to be brought batshit crazy philosophical and allegorical messages in the form of insane, unrealistic and very lucid dreams.
I believe my elongated slumber was instigated by my body to finally catch up on its goddamn sleep. Thankfully, because of the 1:30 to 9:00 "nap", I will be more than happy to post a shit ton of posts, lists and jokes tonight.
So, again, I apologise for my absence during the day. But I am a night owl, aren't I? I'm sure I can kick out some lovely posts within the following hours.
For someone who never sleeps, I sure as shit slept a lot today. I didn't really dream of anything, though. Which is a first for me, I typically sleep only to be brought batshit crazy philosophical and allegorical messages in the form of insane, unrealistic and very lucid dreams.
I believe my elongated slumber was instigated by my body to finally catch up on its goddamn sleep. Thankfully, because of the 1:30 to 9:00 "nap", I will be more than happy to post a shit ton of posts, lists and jokes tonight.
So, again, I apologise for my absence during the day. But I am a night owl, aren't I? I'm sure I can kick out some lovely posts within the following hours.
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