Why Writing is a Shitty Career (And, Why I Love It)

So, as you may or may not've realised. I write for a living. I love writing, it's a fun, easy way to get out emotions, thoughts, feelings, or just to bitch about why my cat gets staring at me while I'm masturbating. However, I must admit that writing (regardless of how fun it is) is not the best career to go into.

Every since I was a small child, I love writing. One of my earliest and proudest memories is when a short story I wrote was deemed the best out of the entire second grade, and it was put up all over the hallways for any student to read. I was so pleased with myself. So naturally, I continued to write throughout my life. Hell, I'm writing this write now on Blogger for Lennon's sake.

However, what you may not realise is that I am a freelance writer. Which is basically fancy-talk for: "I Don't Want to Go to College and I'm Pretentious". Which is hella true. Keep in mind, I'm 15 and will be 16 in late-August. I'm going into the tenth grade; and I'm already a freelance writer. Anybody can be one--scratch that--anybody with talent can be one. So, if it's so easy to become, what's the problem?

The problem is, when you're a freelance writer, you don't have a set income. You make whatever you work for. Literally, every dollar you have is worked for. Now, depending on how you get your work, you could either be highly successful ($50,000 to $90,000 a year), or you can be like most freelance writers. ($5,000 to $40,000) It all depends on how-and-where you do your writing.

Like I said, you are not employed by anyone. You could do the job whilst eating Funyuns and watching Family Feud and still be 'working'. However, you can't "take days off", or you will lose all your shit. The sign of a great freelance writer, and failed freelance writers is this: Determination.

You never, ever stop looking for work. You work all 365 days of the year, no breaks. Now, as for me, I'm currently making a lot of savings for once I have to move out and 'join society'. I already have everything planned. There's an apartment I wish to stay at, it's cheap and has all utilities. It's also across the street from a grocery store, a mini-mart and a McDonald's. All in walking distance. So, I will not be purchasing a vehicle, and will be living off Ramen Noodles and Big Macs for the next 40 years.

But y'know what? I wouldn't want to be anything else in the whole world.

Greetings from The Cynical Asshole.

Hey there, world; I'm The Cynical Asshole himself, Josh Surratt. Consider this a prologue to all the offensive, vile and down-right sickening posts you will be reading from me. Allow me to go over some basic information:


1. I have a website, it's much better than this; go check it out sometime: "http://thecynicalasshole.webs.com/"

2. I'm a freelance columnist. So please, for the love of Lennon; find me some goddamn work!

3. I'm a Left-Libertarian. So, expect me to be very socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

4. I don't believe in your faggy-ass God; so try to keep your respective panties out of a bunch.

5. I love The Beatles with a passion; expect those bastards to pop up a lot.

6. Rescue Me and Breaking Bad are the greatest shows to ever exist...ever...

7. The Breakfast Club is my favourite film of all-time.

8. Find me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JoshBlakeSurratt

9. I'm obsessed with the number nine.

10. Find me on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/DXFan1269

11. Find me on Tumblr (Yep, I'm hip.): http://joshsurrattlennon.tumblr.com/

12. I love cats; fuck dogs.

13. I wrote a book, please buy it: goo.gl/qMBmY


Anything else; just ask. So, that's my list of things you should know about me. I hope I make you laugh and piss you off a bit. See you later, assholes.