Fuck You, I Like 'Revolution 9'

People often disdain this song for no good reason other than the fact that it's avant-garde. Well, I have some news, motherfuckers, different can be good. Imagine if The Beatles never tried anything different?

They'd have stopped after A Hard Day's Night, would be forgotten; and their greatest song would be And, I Love Her.

Listen, experimentation is good! I for one love the shit out of Revolution 9, it's a weird-ass compilation of sounds to illustrate the rise, fall and aftermath of a revolution. Brilliantly done, I might add. A lot of people complain that it's "too scary" for them to listen to.

Who the fuck gets scared by a Beatles' song? Dumb motherfuckers, I suppose.

Listen, I get that it's not for everyone; but don't unfairly bash it and hail it the "worst" Beatles' song. It isn't; the absolute worst Beatles' song is Honey Pie. Seriously, fuck that song and any song by Paul during his 'granny shit' phase.

Top Top 15 Beatles' Songs (In My Humble Opinion)

Okay, as you may know, I'm a huge Beatlemaniac. I mean, I practically worship John Lennon in a God-like fashion! So, I feel the need to compile a list of my favourite Beatles' songs. Let me just say: THIS WAS PRETTY FUCKING HARD. I felt so bad about leaving songs out and putting songs above one-another. So, think of this as an 'incomplete list'.

15. "You Won't See Me" - Written by Paul McCartney - Rubber Soul

Rubber Soul is my second-favourite Beatles' album of all-time, so it makes sense it would have a song on the list. However, this is the only one I feel breaks the top 15. I know, I know. Norwegian Wood! Nowhere Man! I get it! But this is the only song from the album that I truly, truly love.

14. "She Said, She Said" - Written by John Lennon - Revolver

Written after a bad acid trip and Peter Fonda telling Lennon and Harrison about almost dying...Great song!

13. "Baby's in Black" - Written by Lennon/McCartney - Beatles for Sale

This song inspired Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones; which is featured over the end credits of Full Metal Jacket.

12. I, Me, Mine - Written by George Harrison - Let it Be

People like to pretend this was the last Beatles' song ever recorded. It wasn't, but it's still a kick-ass rock ballad on a criminally underrated Let it Be.

11. Mother Nature's Son - Written by Paul McCartney - The Beatles (The White Album)

Inspired by a horny meditation guru who told them they were children of nature. What better reason to write a song?

10. Love You To - Written by George Harrison - Revolver

Okay, I know the title is grammatically incorrect, but fuck me this song is underrated and great! Even better than Tomorrow Never Knows, which is why that song is nowhere to be found on this list.

9. I'm a Loser - Written by John Lennon - Beatles for Sale

Lennon really shined on the equally-underrated Beatles for Sale with very Bob Dylan-esque songs. This is a great example.

8. Across the Universe - Written by John Lennon - Let it Be

Really superb and poetic song by Lennon. Arguably one of his greatest lyrical pieces ever composed.

7. I've Got a Feeling - Written by Lennon/McCartney - Let it Be

Well, shit; Let it Be again? I must really think the damn album is really underrated. Oh well. A kick-ass song with Lennon's superb middle-eight. "Everybody had a wet dream." Yes they did, John. Yes they did.

6. Yer Blues - Written by John Lennon - The Beatles (The White Album)

One of the more...depressing songs..."Yes, I'm lonely; wanna die." But a great one, nonetheless.

5. Long, Long, Long - Written by George Harrison - The Beatles (The White Album)

Two white album songs in a row?! George really became a great songwriter by the end of The Beatles. This one is criminally underrated!

4. Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End - Written by Paul McCartney - Abbey Road

It may be the only song(s) on this list; but at least it's in the top five!

3. A Day in the Life - Written by Lennon/McCartney - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

I KNOW, I KNOW! "But Josh! This is the greatest Beatles' song ever! Don't you read Rolling Stone?!" Eat me, okay. It's a great song, but not the greatest.

2. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Written by George Harrison - Anthology 3 Version

Now, I enjoy the version on The White Album and all, but the Anthology 3 version is truly a masterpiece of music. I damn-near cried listening to it!

1. I'm Only Sleeping - Written by John Lennon - Revolver

And you don't believe that Revolver is the greatest album ever produced? Listen to any of the songs from it on this list, but mostly listen to perhaps the greatest Beatles' song ever: 

Boy, Do I Hate Insomnia...

"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink. I'm so tired, me mind is on the brink. I wonder should I get up; and fix myself a drink? No, no, no."

 - John Lennon, I'm So Tired, The Beatles (The White Album)

How this line describes me oh-so perfectly. I'm such a tired person, especially during the day. But, goddammit, I cannot fall asleep to save my life.

Once I'm asleep, I'm out-cold. Nothing can wake me except for my own body telling me it's satisfied with the number of hours I've given it to rest. But, fuck me, it's so hard to fall asleep! Literally, in spite of how tired I am, I cannot just "go to sleep". How people do this is beyond my comprehension! Jesus H. Christ, what I wouldn't give to have a regular sleeping routine.

Perhaps this is why my dreams are always so odd and bizarre. I deprive my body of its essential sleep for such a duration, that when I do finally allow it a chance to replenish lost energy in a slumber; that my mind decides to get back at me by going deep into my subconscious and dishing out all my worst fears and worst memories at the same time!

Last night, I dreamt that I was moving into a new home. In this very, very large home was ordinary, plain and cream-coloured rooms with nothing in them but beds. (Also cream-coloured.) But then, there was this one room on the first floor of the house which looked something akin to a child's room. It was bright and colourful; and was filled with toys and games! A race-car bed, bright walls, two television sets and a Nintendo 64 console! However, all the objects were broken and I woke up before I could explore the house.

I sure fucking hope I don't dream of such house again tonight.

Sigh.

Alas, I must try once again to sleep; if I am still unsuccessful, I'll be back. Perhaps Paul McCartney can help me drift into a Golden Slumber?

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes! Smiles awake you when you rise! Sleep pretty darling, do not cry; and I will sing a lullaby."

 - Paul McCartney, Golden Slumbers, Abbey Road

Greetings from The Cynical Asshole.

Hey there, world; I'm The Cynical Asshole himself, Josh Surratt. Consider this a prologue to all the offensive, vile and down-right sickening posts you will be reading from me. Allow me to go over some basic information:


1. I have a website, it's much better than this; go check it out sometime: "http://thecynicalasshole.webs.com/"

2. I'm a freelance columnist. So please, for the love of Lennon; find me some goddamn work!

3. I'm a Left-Libertarian. So, expect me to be very socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

4. I don't believe in your faggy-ass God; so try to keep your respective panties out of a bunch.

5. I love The Beatles with a passion; expect those bastards to pop up a lot.

6. Rescue Me and Breaking Bad are the greatest shows to ever exist...ever...

7. The Breakfast Club is my favourite film of all-time.

8. Find me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JoshBlakeSurratt

9. I'm obsessed with the number nine.

10. Find me on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/DXFan1269

11. Find me on Tumblr (Yep, I'm hip.): http://joshsurrattlennon.tumblr.com/

12. I love cats; fuck dogs.

13. I wrote a book, please buy it: goo.gl/qMBmY


Anything else; just ask. So, that's my list of things you should know about me. I hope I make you laugh and piss you off a bit. See you later, assholes.