I seriously need to get my shit together! I haven't been posting as frequently as I should and it's bumming me out! I'm really sorry about everything, and all. I have no excuse except being a lazy fuck.
I just finished writing a book so I've been worrying about whoring that out to the masses and whatnot, so I suppose I have a (shitty) excuse.
I do hope you can forgive me; I have a shit-ton of ideas floating around for new lists and posts. So, bear with me for just a bit and I'll start writing a lot more.
Really, I think I just got exhausted from writing two, or three posts a day! When you start something, you always thrust yourself into it and do a lot, never realising you're expected to do it daily! So, please accept my apology and in due time, I'll start writing much more.
Thanks.
Showing posts with label post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label post. Show all posts
Friday, June 21, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
So, About My Dream...
I woke up morning after perhaps the most symbolic, strangest and; for reasons unbeknownst to me, most erotic dream of my entire life.
So, in the dream, it began with my school friends and I playing soccer celebrating our last day of high school. (In the dream, we were seniors.) then, after we picked teams and only one person remained (Who is one of my good friends named Pozo.) was left to play as the field.
Have I lost you yet? If not; I will in a minute:
So after playing soccer on Pozo's face for a while; they told us to align on the ground in the shape of a baseball bat. As we did; the Big Boy mascot fell over and most of us escaped just in time. (A few of my fellow comrades, however, did not and likely died a horrible, slow death.) Then, just by fate; the school exploded and I became a firefighter with 62 Truck of Rescue Me.
How about now? No? Well, keep reading:
We weren't like the brave, heroic firefigthters you think of; we were crude, lude and rude. We were looking to get laid (During a fire, mind you.) and we actually almost successful! As we walked (Literally, just slow as fuckin' snails) through the burning school, which, for one reason or another; became a church. Tommy Gavin, his (Deceased) brother Johnny, his cousin Eddie and I began searching the rooms for booze (Keep in mind, I don't drink.)
You sure you're not lost? Okay...:
So, magically we found some. Tommy then proceeded to suck down the entire bottle and we continued on our search for any possible victims as the scenery changed once more to a college dormitory. Whilst searching the rooms; we walked into a girl's room and there we found the rest of our crew. (Franco, Mike, the deceased Lou, Garrity, Black Shawn, Needles and the deceased Jerry.) In the room; they were watching a lesbian porno which was some clever pun based on another film, I can't quite remember...Oh yeah, and everyone in the room was reading transvestite magazines...
Even I'm lost, now:
After that lovely viewing/reading session we all finally remembered what our job was and put out the fire, which now became an orphanage for middle schoolers...with white, jizz-like foam. At this home, we overheard the girls making fun of us and saying we were bad firefighters, so we left, depressed. On our way back to a random-ass house; we discovered that every time we put our hats on; it made a fire truck sound...
And then I woke up.
So, in the dream, it began with my school friends and I playing soccer celebrating our last day of high school. (In the dream, we were seniors.) then, after we picked teams and only one person remained (Who is one of my good friends named Pozo.) was left to play as the field.
Have I lost you yet? If not; I will in a minute:
So after playing soccer on Pozo's face for a while; they told us to align on the ground in the shape of a baseball bat. As we did; the Big Boy mascot fell over and most of us escaped just in time. (A few of my fellow comrades, however, did not and likely died a horrible, slow death.) Then, just by fate; the school exploded and I became a firefighter with 62 Truck of Rescue Me.
How about now? No? Well, keep reading:
We weren't like the brave, heroic firefigthters you think of; we were crude, lude and rude. We were looking to get laid (During a fire, mind you.) and we actually almost successful! As we walked (Literally, just slow as fuckin' snails) through the burning school, which, for one reason or another; became a church. Tommy Gavin, his (Deceased) brother Johnny, his cousin Eddie and I began searching the rooms for booze (Keep in mind, I don't drink.)
You sure you're not lost? Okay...:
So, magically we found some. Tommy then proceeded to suck down the entire bottle and we continued on our search for any possible victims as the scenery changed once more to a college dormitory. Whilst searching the rooms; we walked into a girl's room and there we found the rest of our crew. (Franco, Mike, the deceased Lou, Garrity, Black Shawn, Needles and the deceased Jerry.) In the room; they were watching a lesbian porno which was some clever pun based on another film, I can't quite remember...Oh yeah, and everyone in the room was reading transvestite magazines...
Even I'm lost, now:
After that lovely viewing/reading session we all finally remembered what our job was and put out the fire, which now became an orphanage for middle schoolers...with white, jizz-like foam. At this home, we overheard the girls making fun of us and saying we were bad firefighters, so we left, depressed. On our way back to a random-ass house; we discovered that every time we put our hats on; it made a fire truck sound...
And then I woke up.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Greetings from The Cynical Asshole.
Hey there, world; I'm The Cynical Asshole himself, Josh Surratt. Consider this a prologue to all the offensive, vile and down-right sickening posts you will be reading from me. Allow me to go over some basic information:
1. I have a website, it's much better than this; go check it out sometime: "http://thecynicalasshole.webs.com/"
2. I'm a freelance columnist. So please, for the love of Lennon; find me some goddamn work!
3. I'm a Left-Libertarian. So, expect me to be very socially liberal and fiscally conservative.
4. I don't believe in your faggy-ass God; so try to keep your respective panties out of a bunch.
5. I love The Beatles with a passion; expect those bastards to pop up a lot.
6. Rescue Me and Breaking Bad are the greatest shows to ever exist...ever...
7. The Breakfast Club is my favourite film of all-time.
8. Find me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JoshBlakeSurratt
9. I'm obsessed with the number nine.
10. Find me on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/DXFan1269
11. Find me on Tumblr (Yep, I'm hip.): http://joshsurrattlennon.tumblr.com/
12. I love cats; fuck dogs.
13. I wrote a book, please buy it: goo.gl/qMBmY
Anything else; just ask. So, that's my list of things you should know about me. I hope I make you laugh and piss you off a bit. See you later, assholes.
1. I have a website, it's much better than this; go check it out sometime: "http://thecynicalasshole.webs.com/"
2. I'm a freelance columnist. So please, for the love of Lennon; find me some goddamn work!
3. I'm a Left-Libertarian. So, expect me to be very socially liberal and fiscally conservative.
4. I don't believe in your faggy-ass God; so try to keep your respective panties out of a bunch.
5. I love The Beatles with a passion; expect those bastards to pop up a lot.
6. Rescue Me and Breaking Bad are the greatest shows to ever exist...ever...
7. The Breakfast Club is my favourite film of all-time.
8. Find me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JoshBlakeSurratt
9. I'm obsessed with the number nine.
10. Find me on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/DXFan1269
11. Find me on Tumblr (Yep, I'm hip.): http://joshsurrattlennon.tumblr.com/
12. I love cats; fuck dogs.
13. I wrote a book, please buy it: goo.gl/qMBmY
Anything else; just ask. So, that's my list of things you should know about me. I hope I make you laugh and piss you off a bit. See you later, assholes.
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