Walter White is a Sociopath (And Here's Why)

Okay, we all love Breaking Bad, and if you do not...well...go fuck yourself.

Anyway, as the final half of the final season will air in August; I feel it best to look back on the series as a whole, and think about our beloved anti-hero, Walter "Heisenberg" White. Listen, I love him as much as the rest of the fans do, but it doesn't excuse what a cold-hearted bastard he is. Not to mention that Jesse is the true hero of the show; not Walt. After rewatching seasons 1 through 5A; I finally came to the conclusion that Walt is nothing more than your average sociopath. How so, you may ask? Well, allow me to elaborate:

1. Lack of Empathy

Think about it; whenever Jesse has a problem, Walt pretends to care about him in order to make him think he's a good friend, only if it's in his best interest. Walter is responsible for everything wrong in Jesse's. For starters, had Walt never flunked Jesse and tried to help him learn instead of making him feel stupid, he wouldn't have went into making meth. Next, he pretty much forces Jesse to cook with him, threatening him with the possibility of turning him into the police if he doesn't do as he wishes. Then, he makes him go and sling crystals while he's safe-and-sound in the RV. Then, he let's Jane die, making Jesse feel to blame. Then he makes Jesse kill Gale to save himself. Not to even go into how he almost killed Brock to get Jesse back on his side; almost getting him arrested for knowing about ricin. Jesus H. Christ! You are such an unempathic asshole, Walt.

2. Superficial Charm

"I am the one who knocks." Walter tells Skyler in season 4. He is so full of himself as being the forerunner of an empire, and being 'the greatest cook in the country' boasting about his 99.1% pure meth. He acts like he is the shit; and no one else can touch him. "I won." He ends his conversation with Skyler in the final episode of season 4. Yes, you did, you smug son-of-a-bitch; but at what cost?


3. Lack of Remorse, or Guilt

How many goddamn people has Walter even killed? Well, there's Emilio and Krazy-8 in season 1, ran over a drug dealer, then shot his friend in the head and let Jane die, and then instigated Jane's father into colliding the two planes killing 167 in season 2, forced Jesse to kill Gale, supplied the bomb that Hector used to kill Gus and his henchman, Tyrus as well as two of Gus' other henchman in season 4, then he shot Mike and mortally wounded him and instigated ten of Gus' ex-employees. Does he give two shits? Nope.

4. Criminal Diversity

Well, let's see:

• Stealing lab equipment from his own class
• Making meth.
• Stealing a barrel of methylamine.
• Killing seven people first-hand
• Killing one-hundred-eighty-two people second-hand.
• Lying religiously to everyone.

No comment.

5. Pathological Lying

Again, no comment.

Well, I dare say; Walter, you don't become a sociopath, you're born one. Walter was always an evil, evil bastard. He just realised he could be it after his diagnosis.

So, About My Dream...

I woke up morning after perhaps the most symbolic, strangest and; for reasons unbeknownst to me, most erotic dream of my entire life.

So, in the dream, it began with my school friends and I playing soccer celebrating our last day of high school. (In the dream, we were seniors.) then, after we picked teams and only one person remained (Who is one of my good friends named Pozo.) was left to play as the field.

Have I lost you yet? If not; I will in a minute:

So after playing soccer on Pozo's face for a while; they told us to align on the ground in the shape of a baseball bat. As we did; the Big Boy mascot fell over and most of us escaped just in time. (A few of my fellow comrades, however, did not and likely died a horrible, slow death.) Then, just by fate; the school exploded and I became a firefighter with 62 Truck of Rescue Me.

How about now? No? Well, keep reading:

We weren't like the brave, heroic firefigthters you think of; we were crude, lude and rude. We were looking to get laid (During a fire, mind you.) and we actually almost successful! As we walked (Literally, just slow as fuckin' snails) through the burning school, which, for one reason or another; became a church. Tommy Gavin, his (Deceased) brother Johnny, his cousin Eddie and I began searching the rooms for booze (Keep in mind, I don't drink.)

You sure you're not lost? Okay...:

So, magically we found some. Tommy then proceeded to suck down the entire bottle and we continued on our search for any possible victims as the scenery changed once more to a college dormitory. Whilst searching the rooms; we walked into a girl's room and there we found the rest of our crew. (Franco, Mike, the deceased Lou, Garrity, Black Shawn, Needles and the deceased Jerry.) In the room; they were watching a lesbian porno which was some clever pun based on another film, I can't quite remember...Oh yeah, and everyone in the room was reading transvestite magazines...

Even I'm lost, now:

After that lovely viewing/reading session we all finally remembered what our job was and put out the fire, which now became an orphanage for middle schoolers...with white, jizz-like foam. At this home, we overheard the girls making fun of us and saying we were bad firefighters, so we left, depressed. On our way back to a random-ass house; we discovered that every time we put our hats on; it made a fire truck sound...

And then I woke up.

Why Writing is a Shitty Career (And, Why I Love It)

So, as you may or may not've realised. I write for a living. I love writing, it's a fun, easy way to get out emotions, thoughts, feelings, or just to bitch about why my cat gets staring at me while I'm masturbating. However, I must admit that writing (regardless of how fun it is) is not the best career to go into.

Every since I was a small child, I love writing. One of my earliest and proudest memories is when a short story I wrote was deemed the best out of the entire second grade, and it was put up all over the hallways for any student to read. I was so pleased with myself. So naturally, I continued to write throughout my life. Hell, I'm writing this write now on Blogger for Lennon's sake.

However, what you may not realise is that I am a freelance writer. Which is basically fancy-talk for: "I Don't Want to Go to College and I'm Pretentious". Which is hella true. Keep in mind, I'm 15 and will be 16 in late-August. I'm going into the tenth grade; and I'm already a freelance writer. Anybody can be one--scratch that--anybody with talent can be one. So, if it's so easy to become, what's the problem?

The problem is, when you're a freelance writer, you don't have a set income. You make whatever you work for. Literally, every dollar you have is worked for. Now, depending on how you get your work, you could either be highly successful ($50,000 to $90,000 a year), or you can be like most freelance writers. ($5,000 to $40,000) It all depends on how-and-where you do your writing.

Like I said, you are not employed by anyone. You could do the job whilst eating Funyuns and watching Family Feud and still be 'working'. However, you can't "take days off", or you will lose all your shit. The sign of a great freelance writer, and failed freelance writers is this: Determination.

You never, ever stop looking for work. You work all 365 days of the year, no breaks. Now, as for me, I'm currently making a lot of savings for once I have to move out and 'join society'. I already have everything planned. There's an apartment I wish to stay at, it's cheap and has all utilities. It's also across the street from a grocery store, a mini-mart and a McDonald's. All in walking distance. So, I will not be purchasing a vehicle, and will be living off Ramen Noodles and Big Macs for the next 40 years.

But y'know what? I wouldn't want to be anything else in the whole world.

Greetings from The Cynical Asshole.

Hey there, world; I'm The Cynical Asshole himself, Josh Surratt. Consider this a prologue to all the offensive, vile and down-right sickening posts you will be reading from me. Allow me to go over some basic information:


1. I have a website, it's much better than this; go check it out sometime: "http://thecynicalasshole.webs.com/"

2. I'm a freelance columnist. So please, for the love of Lennon; find me some goddamn work!

3. I'm a Left-Libertarian. So, expect me to be very socially liberal and fiscally conservative.

4. I don't believe in your faggy-ass God; so try to keep your respective panties out of a bunch.

5. I love The Beatles with a passion; expect those bastards to pop up a lot.

6. Rescue Me and Breaking Bad are the greatest shows to ever exist...ever...

7. The Breakfast Club is my favourite film of all-time.

8. Find me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JoshBlakeSurratt

9. I'm obsessed with the number nine.

10. Find me on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/DXFan1269

11. Find me on Tumblr (Yep, I'm hip.): http://joshsurrattlennon.tumblr.com/

12. I love cats; fuck dogs.

13. I wrote a book, please buy it: goo.gl/qMBmY


Anything else; just ask. So, that's my list of things you should know about me. I hope I make you laugh and piss you off a bit. See you later, assholes.