Monday, October 14, 2013
New Feature Added.
For the three fans of mine who want to buy my books, I now have the widgets that lead directly to where they're available! Just look over at the "Buy My Shit!" section to your immediate right and be redirected to my publisher's website.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
New Book Being Written and Update.
Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to update his goddamn blog! Allow me to apologise numerous times for that. School is really making me its bitch at the moment; especially maths. Fuck, I suck in that subject.
Anywho, I just wanted to let you know I haven't died (yet) and that I'll be updating a bit more frequently. So, let's hear some updates:
1. I'm writing my third book and first novella! Details are scarce, but they will be updated as they come. So far I've written three of eleven chapters. It'll be due for release by Christmas, 2013.
2. I have a new show with Blip.tv! It's entitled James and Josh, an animated shitcom (you read that right) about my friend James and myself. Check out the Wikia page: http://james-and-josh.wikia.com/wiki/James_and_Josh_Wiki and the Blip.tv page: blip.tv/jamesandjosh/
There you go, loves! More to come!
Anywho, I just wanted to let you know I haven't died (yet) and that I'll be updating a bit more frequently. So, let's hear some updates:
1. I'm writing my third book and first novella! Details are scarce, but they will be updated as they come. So far I've written three of eleven chapters. It'll be due for release by Christmas, 2013.
2. I have a new show with Blip.tv! It's entitled James and Josh, an animated shitcom (you read that right) about my friend James and myself. Check out the Wikia page: http://james-and-josh.wikia.com/wiki/James_and_Josh_Wiki and the Blip.tv page: blip.tv/jamesandjosh/
There you go, loves! More to come!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Chasing Amy, the Film I Love the Most...
Chasing Amy is a 1997 romantic drama with comedy laced in-between. It was written and directed by Kevin Smith, most famous for his View Askew films. (Chasing Amy is included in the View Askewniverse, by the way.) The film stars two now-famous actors, Ben Affleck (Who would go on to win two Academy Awards for Good Will Hunting and Argo.) and Jason Lee (Famous for My Name is Earl and Alvin and the Chipmunks 1, 2 & 3) before they hit their respective status as A-list actors. In addition, it stars Joey Lauren Adams (Of Big Daddy, Dazed and Confused and Bio-Dome fame) as the love interest for Ben Affleck. (Coincidentally, Joey Lauren Adams was the real-life girlfriend of Kevin Smith at the time.)
This isn't any regular romantic film, you see. This one set itself apart for a variety of reasons (Ignoring the fact that it has openly homosexual characters.):
1. It was made independently. Originally to cost 1-2 million dollars with a cast consisting of Jon Stewart, David Schwimmer and Drew Barrymore. However, Kevin wanted to keep his cast of Ben, Jason and Joey and so with a budget of only $250,000; he made this flick with complete control.
2. It was only two votes away from an Academy Award nomination. The details aren't specific, but I assume it's safe to say that it would have been for either Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay or Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee. Mostly because those are the nominations it received from the Spirit Awards. (Winning both Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee, respectively.)
3. The titular "Amy" is not a character in the film; it's an expression coined by Silent Bob in his climatic speech near the end of the picture. This is rare for films to use a title that only comes into play at the tail-end of it.
Amy is not your average romantic-drama-comedy; it's far beyond it. It's a serious, interesting and truthful story about love, emotions and dealing with a lover's past. The comedy mainly in the beginning and from there it's scattered in-between the intense scenes to make it not such a morose, dumpy film. Because of the comedy, as well as Kevin Smith's status as a comedic director; this film was unfairly labelled as nothing more than another typical romantic comedy. Which is very, very unfortunate as it truly one of the greatest romances ever committed to cinema. ((500) Days of Summer and The Graduate are very close, though.)
Please go view this film; it's available for instant watch on Netflix and I'm certain you could find it online for free too. This is the most impacting film I have ever watched, and maybe it will be for you too.
This isn't any regular romantic film, you see. This one set itself apart for a variety of reasons (Ignoring the fact that it has openly homosexual characters.):
1. It was made independently. Originally to cost 1-2 million dollars with a cast consisting of Jon Stewart, David Schwimmer and Drew Barrymore. However, Kevin wanted to keep his cast of Ben, Jason and Joey and so with a budget of only $250,000; he made this flick with complete control.
2. It was only two votes away from an Academy Award nomination. The details aren't specific, but I assume it's safe to say that it would have been for either Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay or Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee. Mostly because those are the nominations it received from the Spirit Awards. (Winning both Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee, respectively.)
3. The titular "Amy" is not a character in the film; it's an expression coined by Silent Bob in his climatic speech near the end of the picture. This is rare for films to use a title that only comes into play at the tail-end of it.
Amy is not your average romantic-drama-comedy; it's far beyond it. It's a serious, interesting and truthful story about love, emotions and dealing with a lover's past. The comedy mainly in the beginning and from there it's scattered in-between the intense scenes to make it not such a morose, dumpy film. Because of the comedy, as well as Kevin Smith's status as a comedic director; this film was unfairly labelled as nothing more than another typical romantic comedy. Which is very, very unfortunate as it truly one of the greatest romances ever committed to cinema. ((500) Days of Summer and The Graduate are very close, though.)
Please go view this film; it's available for instant watch on Netflix and I'm certain you could find it online for free too. This is the most impacting film I have ever watched, and maybe it will be for you too.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Two Quotes From My Good Friend, Terrance.
I literally cannot get over how goddamn funny his quotes were!
In reference to nothing: "I am nigger."
In reference to anal porn: "She's not even struggling! She's taking it like a champ!"
Goddammit, I cannot stop laughing!
In reference to nothing: "I am nigger."
In reference to anal porn: "She's not even struggling! She's taking it like a champ!"
Goddammit, I cannot stop laughing!
Jack Did Strangle Danny; Here's the Proof
As it is always a work in process, I have noticed another implication about Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. Now, I watch this film kind of often now; and believe I have an idea for a moment that occurs in the film.
Do you remember when Jack was throwing the tennis ball at the wall and down the hall? From that, we can certainly imply that it is Jack's ball and it belongs to no one else, right?
Now, later in the flick when Danny is playing with his toys on the rugs; the tennis ball comes rolling toward him and Danny gets up and walks down the hall to room 237, which is open.
Now, a few minutes later we find Jack screaming and Wendy finds that Danny has been strangled (not dead, though) and his sweater torn. She then accuses Jack of doing it following his dream of killing her and their son. Now, he goes and talks to Lloyd the bartender and Wendy shows up to tell him a woman in the hotel did it.
Even when he sees the woman in the room, he comes back and tells Wendy that Danny must've done it to himself.
Now, here's where my idea kicks in.
The marks on Danny's neck and his ripped sweater would be too much for a boy his age to do. He simply couldn't, you see? So, with that; Danny is not responsible for self-harm.
Secondly, the notion of ghosts being real are deliberately played down to being all the nature of cabin fever, right? I think even though Jack is going crazy, he is still sane enough to realise the ghosts aren't real and that's why he tells Wendy there was no woman in room 237 even though he saw one. We never see her again, because she wasn't real and Jack knew it.
Going back to the tennis ball, I believe that Jack was waiting in room 237 for Danny, and so he threw the ball toward him to get his attention and once in the room, he tried to strangle him. Waking up from a 'trance' he realised what he did, told Danny to tell Wendy it was a woman, and he went back to the Colorado Lounge to pretty he was asleep.
Just a very rough idea in process, but it seems plausible, right?
Do you remember when Jack was throwing the tennis ball at the wall and down the hall? From that, we can certainly imply that it is Jack's ball and it belongs to no one else, right?
Now, later in the flick when Danny is playing with his toys on the rugs; the tennis ball comes rolling toward him and Danny gets up and walks down the hall to room 237, which is open.
Now, a few minutes later we find Jack screaming and Wendy finds that Danny has been strangled (not dead, though) and his sweater torn. She then accuses Jack of doing it following his dream of killing her and their son. Now, he goes and talks to Lloyd the bartender and Wendy shows up to tell him a woman in the hotel did it.
Even when he sees the woman in the room, he comes back and tells Wendy that Danny must've done it to himself.
Now, here's where my idea kicks in.
The marks on Danny's neck and his ripped sweater would be too much for a boy his age to do. He simply couldn't, you see? So, with that; Danny is not responsible for self-harm.
Secondly, the notion of ghosts being real are deliberately played down to being all the nature of cabin fever, right? I think even though Jack is going crazy, he is still sane enough to realise the ghosts aren't real and that's why he tells Wendy there was no woman in room 237 even though he saw one. We never see her again, because she wasn't real and Jack knew it.
Going back to the tennis ball, I believe that Jack was waiting in room 237 for Danny, and so he threw the ball toward him to get his attention and once in the room, he tried to strangle him. Waking up from a 'trance' he realised what he did, told Danny to tell Wendy it was a woman, and he went back to the Colorado Lounge to pretty he was asleep.
Just a very rough idea in process, but it seems plausible, right?
Holy Shit, There's Actually Still Good Music?
Goddammit, I've found a song from the past few years (2012, specifically) that I not only like a bit, that I actually really love! I was hella surprised, seeing as how most of the shit we see on today's charts are horrid rap music and shitty teen pop. So, what is the glorious song that I enjoy so well?
My fucking Lennon; if this isn't a way to boost the dying sales of folk rock, I don't know what is! Truly, no lies here; this song may find its way onto my list of all-time favourite songs because of how much it stands out, and how well it was executed.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Goddammit, I Really Am a Cynical Asshole...
Let me tell you, when I started this blog; I meant the name and the attitude to be sort of ironic. When I started, I was only mildly cynical and for the most part wanted to make fun of people who get upset and get cynical about things. However, in recent times I've realised that it's no longer an ironic joke; I really am a cynical asshole.
I hadn't thought much about it before, but when I was on my Facebook today; I was scrolling through the homepage and seeing all the new statuses and whatnot, when I realised that as I was seeing statuses and photos of people being happy and having fun; I was building in anger and being pissed.
It's weird, the people I was seeing were friends of mine, around my age and I've known them all my life. I like (most) of them. However, just seeing people having fun really pissed me off. It's odd, I began to realise that even in "fun" situations, I still cannot recall having any true fun.
Like when I was a kid, I was always in a pissy mood during trips, or anything of the sort. Fuck! That was when I was a child! I don't know why I am like this, but I'm actually kind of freaked out about how cynical I've become over my illustrious fifteen years on this planet.
I hadn't thought much about it before, but when I was on my Facebook today; I was scrolling through the homepage and seeing all the new statuses and whatnot, when I realised that as I was seeing statuses and photos of people being happy and having fun; I was building in anger and being pissed.
It's weird, the people I was seeing were friends of mine, around my age and I've known them all my life. I like (most) of them. However, just seeing people having fun really pissed me off. It's odd, I began to realise that even in "fun" situations, I still cannot recall having any true fun.
Like when I was a kid, I was always in a pissy mood during trips, or anything of the sort. Fuck! That was when I was a child! I don't know why I am like this, but I'm actually kind of freaked out about how cynical I've become over my illustrious fifteen years on this planet.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Tonight, I Play the Midnight Game
What's the Midnight Game, you ponder? Well, give me a fucking second and I'll elaborate:
The Midnight Game was originally conceived as punishment for those who doubted and questioned the Pagan religion. Me being a stout atheist, I might as well suffer it too, y'know?
The rules are simple(ish). First, you take a piece of blank paper and write your full name on it. (first, middle and last) Then, you poke your finger and get a drop of blood and smear it next to your name on the piece of paper.
Next, just before 12:00 AM, you place the paper down on the ground in front of your front door, light a candle and place it on top of the paper; knock 22 times on your front (wooden) door making the twenty-second knock exactly at 12.
Then, you open your front door, blow out your candle, and re-light it. You have just invited the midnight man into your home. Equipped with nothing more than your lit candle and a container of salt, you must now wonder around your house in complete darkness until 3:33 AM.
Signs you're close to the Midnight Man are as follows: a sudden change in temperature, or your candle going out mysteriously. If that happens, you must either re-light your candle within ten seconds or stop in place, create a circle of salt where you are, and stay there for the rest of the night.
At 3:33, if you followed the instructions well, will be free of the Midnight Man. But from now on, he will always be watching you.
The Midnight Game was originally conceived as punishment for those who doubted and questioned the Pagan religion. Me being a stout atheist, I might as well suffer it too, y'know?
The rules are simple(ish). First, you take a piece of blank paper and write your full name on it. (first, middle and last) Then, you poke your finger and get a drop of blood and smear it next to your name on the piece of paper.
Next, just before 12:00 AM, you place the paper down on the ground in front of your front door, light a candle and place it on top of the paper; knock 22 times on your front (wooden) door making the twenty-second knock exactly at 12.
Then, you open your front door, blow out your candle, and re-light it. You have just invited the midnight man into your home. Equipped with nothing more than your lit candle and a container of salt, you must now wonder around your house in complete darkness until 3:33 AM.
Signs you're close to the Midnight Man are as follows: a sudden change in temperature, or your candle going out mysteriously. If that happens, you must either re-light your candle within ten seconds or stop in place, create a circle of salt where you are, and stay there for the rest of the night.
At 3:33, if you followed the instructions well, will be free of the Midnight Man. But from now on, he will always be watching you.
Fuck You, I'm Uncircumcised
I don't know why here in the United States that the mutilation of dicks is such a common practice. I'm goddamn happy that my parents didn't let the doctors cut off my manhood! In case you don't know, circumcision is the horrifying act of cutting a newly-born baby's foreskin off!
I feel so bad for everyone who has gotten the unfortunate procedure done to them! How dare they do it at birth; why not let the kid decide, goddammit! It is his cock, you know?
Jesus, shit like this gets me so pissed off.
I feel so bad for everyone who has gotten the unfortunate procedure done to them! How dare they do it at birth; why not let the kid decide, goddammit! It is his cock, you know?
Jesus, shit like this gets me so pissed off.
Bitter Ramblings From an Author with ADHD.
Okay, well, I actually don't have ADHD; or at least I haven't been formally diagnosed. But no matter, because I have a horrid tendency to start something, become encompassed in it completely, then never finish it. Fuck, does this annoy me! If one was to search through my computer long enough, and managed to completely miss all of the fucked up, depraved porn on there, they'd find a stash of plot outlines, character sheets, unfinished books, individual chapters, unfinished screenplays. The whole nine yards, basically.
A part of me is really turned on by the fact that I have so much work to complete before I bite the dust. I mean, think about it: I'm fifteen, so if I have a seemingly-endless collection of work begging to be finished, and I do this all of the time; then I never have to worry about "writer's block". I have an infinite slew of stuff to do! If I ever grow tired of writing a book about an Arabian midget and his struggle to become a woman, well then I have a whole different book about a Chilean man and his love affair with a toaster! I never have to worry about finding new ideas! Yay!
On the flip-side, however...I'll never be able to finish it all! If I keep doing this shit, by the time I pass on, I will have a whole library of unfinished work! Why is this horrible, you wonder? Well, what if I become a well-respected author and the books and screenplays I do manage to finish in my life are critically acclaimed; then all of the sudden I drop dead of a massive heart attack at age 40. Uh-oh, this isn't good. Now twenty years after I pass, two-or-three yuppie assholes are going to try and "complete my work" and they fuck it up worse than I could've ever done. I'd haunt their asses!
Plus, a lot of my work is shit. Really bad shit, I might add. But they have the potential to be brilliant! What if someone stumbles onto my work and they read it and go: "Jesus H. Christ! This fucking sucks!" and then my reputation and/or memories as a good writer are tarnished! Fuck! Most of the shit on my computer will be from my youth. So, of course it'll fucking blow donkey dick! They won't know that, though!
I guess there are pros and cons to the matter, but regardless I just want to begin and finish a project in one fucking sitting, goddammit!
A part of me is really turned on by the fact that I have so much work to complete before I bite the dust. I mean, think about it: I'm fifteen, so if I have a seemingly-endless collection of work begging to be finished, and I do this all of the time; then I never have to worry about "writer's block". I have an infinite slew of stuff to do! If I ever grow tired of writing a book about an Arabian midget and his struggle to become a woman, well then I have a whole different book about a Chilean man and his love affair with a toaster! I never have to worry about finding new ideas! Yay!
On the flip-side, however...I'll never be able to finish it all! If I keep doing this shit, by the time I pass on, I will have a whole library of unfinished work! Why is this horrible, you wonder? Well, what if I become a well-respected author and the books and screenplays I do manage to finish in my life are critically acclaimed; then all of the sudden I drop dead of a massive heart attack at age 40. Uh-oh, this isn't good. Now twenty years after I pass, two-or-three yuppie assholes are going to try and "complete my work" and they fuck it up worse than I could've ever done. I'd haunt their asses!
Plus, a lot of my work is shit. Really bad shit, I might add. But they have the potential to be brilliant! What if someone stumbles onto my work and they read it and go: "Jesus H. Christ! This fucking sucks!" and then my reputation and/or memories as a good writer are tarnished! Fuck! Most of the shit on my computer will be from my youth. So, of course it'll fucking blow donkey dick! They won't know that, though!
I guess there are pros and cons to the matter, but regardless I just want to begin and finish a project in one fucking sitting, goddammit!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Last Night I Talked to Ghosts, and Shit
I was rather bored last night, and being a terrible insomniac, I wasn't sleeping. So, whilst reading some creepypastas and being scared shitless; I wanted to start fuckin' with some ghosts. I'm a sceptic of the paranormal, you see? Even though when I was a small child I saw "shadow people" all the time.
So, last night I read up about this game called: "The Ouija Cards" which I'll give you gist on what to do:
1. Take a deck of normal playing cards.
2. Sprinkle them with salt.
3. Shuffle them.
4. Place them in three, two columned rows with six cards in each.
5. Light a candle and place it above the cards. (Like on a desk, or table.)
6. Ask it questions.
You move your hands slowly over each card and when it feels overwhelmingly warm you flip it over and it answers your "yes/no" question.
A card with a heart means yes, a spade means no, diamonds mean maybe and a club means unsure.
I was hella scared when I asked it the time, the date and my name and got all the right answers accordingly. (i.e "Is my name Josh?" and I would flip over a heart.)
It was hella creepy.
So, last night I read up about this game called: "The Ouija Cards" which I'll give you gist on what to do:
1. Take a deck of normal playing cards.
2. Sprinkle them with salt.
3. Shuffle them.
4. Place them in three, two columned rows with six cards in each.
5. Light a candle and place it above the cards. (Like on a desk, or table.)
6. Ask it questions.
You move your hands slowly over each card and when it feels overwhelmingly warm you flip it over and it answers your "yes/no" question.
A card with a heart means yes, a spade means no, diamonds mean maybe and a club means unsure.
I was hella scared when I asked it the time, the date and my name and got all the right answers accordingly. (i.e "Is my name Josh?" and I would flip over a heart.)
It was hella creepy.
Monday, June 24, 2013
So, I'm Popular in Russia...
Russia is apparently my second biggest country for views (America, obviously, being my first). I was actually very surprised upon reading that! I had no idea that the Russians love me so much! Is it because I like Regina Spektor? Or possibly because I'm in favour of pure communism? Perhaps it's because one of the few songs I like written by Paul McCartney is Back in the USSR? Maybe it's even because I really want to bang Mila Kunis? (She was born in the Soviet Union, y'know?)
Perhaps it's a bit of all of those things. Maybe, and hold on 'cause this one is crazy; maybe they like my content? I know, right? Crazy. I don't think any of those previously aforementioned facts were ever made known until litterally 9 lines ago...fuck, that number keeps showing up in my life; I need to make a post about that shit, it's scaring me now. Anyway, I just thought I'd thank my Russian fans for the views. It's always appreciated.
Perhaps it's a bit of all of those things. Maybe, and hold on 'cause this one is crazy; maybe they like my content? I know, right? Crazy. I don't think any of those previously aforementioned facts were ever made known until litterally 9 lines ago...fuck, that number keeps showing up in my life; I need to make a post about that shit, it's scaring me now. Anyway, I just thought I'd thank my Russian fans for the views. It's always appreciated.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Fuck You, I Like 'Revolution 9'
People often disdain this song for no good reason other than the fact that it's avant-garde. Well, I have some news, motherfuckers, different can be good. Imagine if The Beatles never tried anything different?
They'd have stopped after A Hard Day's Night, would be forgotten; and their greatest song would be And, I Love Her.
Listen, experimentation is good! I for one love the shit out of Revolution 9, it's a weird-ass compilation of sounds to illustrate the rise, fall and aftermath of a revolution. Brilliantly done, I might add. A lot of people complain that it's "too scary" for them to listen to.
Who the fuck gets scared by a Beatles' song? Dumb motherfuckers, I suppose.
Listen, I get that it's not for everyone; but don't unfairly bash it and hail it the "worst" Beatles' song. It isn't; the absolute worst Beatles' song is Honey Pie. Seriously, fuck that song and any song by Paul during his 'granny shit' phase.
They'd have stopped after A Hard Day's Night, would be forgotten; and their greatest song would be And, I Love Her.
Listen, experimentation is good! I for one love the shit out of Revolution 9, it's a weird-ass compilation of sounds to illustrate the rise, fall and aftermath of a revolution. Brilliantly done, I might add. A lot of people complain that it's "too scary" for them to listen to.
Who the fuck gets scared by a Beatles' song? Dumb motherfuckers, I suppose.
Listen, I get that it's not for everyone; but don't unfairly bash it and hail it the "worst" Beatles' song. It isn't; the absolute worst Beatles' song is Honey Pie. Seriously, fuck that song and any song by Paul during his 'granny shit' phase.
And Now, My Top 10 Favourite Books
Last time, I did the five books I was enjoying at that moment in time; now, I bring to you my top ten favourite books of all time (non-fiction and fiction included.):
10. In His Own Write - John Lennon
So, this is a book of nonsense poetry and stories. It's not a technically 'great' book, but it is perfect for a lark and is a great, short read. It's also noteworthy for being the first non-Beatles thing any of the four ever did. John also wrote two more books entitled: A Spaniard in the Works and Skywriting by Word of Mouth. Neither had quite the impact his first book had on me.
9. Journey to the Centre of the Earth - Jules Verne
It may seem a tad distant than my previous choice, y'know? However, I'm quite fond of this story and of the characters. May I also express my love for the original film, as well. The remake/reboot/whatever-the-fuck was just horrible. But, I will say that both the novel and original film are both ranking high in both my literary and film favourites.
8. John - Cynthia Lennon
By Lennon, Journey to the Centre of the Earth is sandwiched in-between two Lennon books! One by him and one about him! In this non-fiction biography by his first wife, Cynthia, John tells about the relationship they had together and in spite of all the negative aspects she brings to the forefront about John's life; she counter-balances it by talking about how much they loved one another, how horrid John's life was and how fame so young ruined both their marriage, and his relationship with his first son Julian.
7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
This is a pseudo-fiction, pseudo-non-fiction book by Hunter S. Thompson based upon two real-life trips to Las Vegas that he took with a man by the name of Oscar Zeta Acosta. Of course, because it's technically fiction he embellishes and makes things up; but on the whole, this novel is based on real events, as well as the numerous LSD trips Thompson and Acosta took during their lovely trips.
6. Why We Suck - Denis Leary
Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud and Lazy is the first book by Dr. Denis Leary, who actually received an honorary doctorate from Emerson College. Denis is most well-known for his first comedy special No Cure for Cancer in which many suspect he took a great deal of material from former friend and fellow comedian Bill Hicks; however, I don't agree. He's also well-known for my favourite television programme of all-time Rescue Me. In this book it's partially autobiography, partially essays, partially jokes; well, you get the point.
5. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Fuck you, I like this book. I can relate to Holden Caulfield; I am a bitchy adolescent who just wants to find his place in the world. Now, some of you may find it a tad ironic that a list of favourite books includes a book about John Lennon and a book by John Lennon, and a book that inspired Mark David Chapman to shoot-and-kill John Lennon are all on the same list. Well, simply put; J.D Salinger didn't write the book with hopes MDC would kill John. I mean, no shit.
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
Now, be aware I love both the novel and the film; and the film I love much, much more. But I still love the fuck out of this novel! I like the idea of a regular guy unneededly put into a mental asylum filled with 'crazy' people and he helps them love who they are and to challenge authority! I'm kind of anti-authority myself, so it makes sense.
3. Napalm and Silly Putty - George Carlin
Last non-fiction book on the list. I love all of Carlin's books, but I feel that this one was really his best. I mean, George is my favourite comedian of all-time; and to have a book of his best material, thoughts and opinions? Genius! Sure, it was his third book; but it's still his best. Not to mention this book inspired me to write Poppycock.
2. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
It was pretty tough putting this book at number two because of the sheer impact it had on me whilst reading it; however, I still stand by my number one choice and feel that, while this novella is terrific and a real statement on society and how we view morality; the final chapter (thankfully omitted from the US version and the film) just ruins everything. A book about a teenager who loves rape, murder and violence suddenly reforms completely and moves on? I don't care if he's older, Alex is a fucking sociopath and you know it! You can't change shit like that! Didn't we establish the Ludovico technique didn't even work on him and he was just playing along? Come on now, Anthony!
1. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
I don't give a shit what anyone says. This is the most poetic, allegorical, statement on society, view of morality, view of innocence and exploration for the inherent evil of humanity is simply the greatest work of fiction because it's very much like a non-fiction book! It is simply the greatest and most well-thought out books of all-time. I mean, the ending marking the end of innocence is fucking beautiful.
10. In His Own Write - John Lennon
So, this is a book of nonsense poetry and stories. It's not a technically 'great' book, but it is perfect for a lark and is a great, short read. It's also noteworthy for being the first non-Beatles thing any of the four ever did. John also wrote two more books entitled: A Spaniard in the Works and Skywriting by Word of Mouth. Neither had quite the impact his first book had on me.
9. Journey to the Centre of the Earth - Jules Verne
It may seem a tad distant than my previous choice, y'know? However, I'm quite fond of this story and of the characters. May I also express my love for the original film, as well. The remake/reboot/whatever-the-fuck was just horrible. But, I will say that both the novel and original film are both ranking high in both my literary and film favourites.
8. John - Cynthia Lennon
By Lennon, Journey to the Centre of the Earth is sandwiched in-between two Lennon books! One by him and one about him! In this non-fiction biography by his first wife, Cynthia, John tells about the relationship they had together and in spite of all the negative aspects she brings to the forefront about John's life; she counter-balances it by talking about how much they loved one another, how horrid John's life was and how fame so young ruined both their marriage, and his relationship with his first son Julian.
7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
This is a pseudo-fiction, pseudo-non-fiction book by Hunter S. Thompson based upon two real-life trips to Las Vegas that he took with a man by the name of Oscar Zeta Acosta. Of course, because it's technically fiction he embellishes and makes things up; but on the whole, this novel is based on real events, as well as the numerous LSD trips Thompson and Acosta took during their lovely trips.
6. Why We Suck - Denis Leary
Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud and Lazy is the first book by Dr. Denis Leary, who actually received an honorary doctorate from Emerson College. Denis is most well-known for his first comedy special No Cure for Cancer in which many suspect he took a great deal of material from former friend and fellow comedian Bill Hicks; however, I don't agree. He's also well-known for my favourite television programme of all-time Rescue Me. In this book it's partially autobiography, partially essays, partially jokes; well, you get the point.
5. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Fuck you, I like this book. I can relate to Holden Caulfield; I am a bitchy adolescent who just wants to find his place in the world. Now, some of you may find it a tad ironic that a list of favourite books includes a book about John Lennon and a book by John Lennon, and a book that inspired Mark David Chapman to shoot-and-kill John Lennon are all on the same list. Well, simply put; J.D Salinger didn't write the book with hopes MDC would kill John. I mean, no shit.
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
Now, be aware I love both the novel and the film; and the film I love much, much more. But I still love the fuck out of this novel! I like the idea of a regular guy unneededly put into a mental asylum filled with 'crazy' people and he helps them love who they are and to challenge authority! I'm kind of anti-authority myself, so it makes sense.
3. Napalm and Silly Putty - George Carlin
Last non-fiction book on the list. I love all of Carlin's books, but I feel that this one was really his best. I mean, George is my favourite comedian of all-time; and to have a book of his best material, thoughts and opinions? Genius! Sure, it was his third book; but it's still his best. Not to mention this book inspired me to write Poppycock.
2. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
It was pretty tough putting this book at number two because of the sheer impact it had on me whilst reading it; however, I still stand by my number one choice and feel that, while this novella is terrific and a real statement on society and how we view morality; the final chapter (thankfully omitted from the US version and the film) just ruins everything. A book about a teenager who loves rape, murder and violence suddenly reforms completely and moves on? I don't care if he's older, Alex is a fucking sociopath and you know it! You can't change shit like that! Didn't we establish the Ludovico technique didn't even work on him and he was just playing along? Come on now, Anthony!
1. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
I don't give a shit what anyone says. This is the most poetic, allegorical, statement on society, view of morality, view of innocence and exploration for the inherent evil of humanity is simply the greatest work of fiction because it's very much like a non-fiction book! It is simply the greatest and most well-thought out books of all-time. I mean, the ending marking the end of innocence is fucking beautiful.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Explaining the Plot of 'Back to the Future' was More Difficult Than I Thought!
Back to the Future, you ask? Yes, the classic 1985 film about Marty McFly, a popular teenager with a beautiful girlfriend and a bright future. Marty has a couple of problems, though. First off his father is a weak-willed dweep, his mother's a drunk and he's lower-middle class. These are typical problems that typical teenagers across the world face. Well, his troubles don't stop there.
Enter Doctor Emmett Brown, or Doc for short. He's a wacky, seemingly-ludicrous man who thinks he's managed to time travel using a DeLorean. Pretty crazy, right? Except he can. Doc Brown actually perfected time-travel with plutonium, a flux-capacitor and 1.21 jigawatts at the perfect speed of 88 MPH! Well, the first major conflict is introduced when the Libyans that Doc ripped off the plutonium from have come back literally moments after demonstrating how time-travel is possible. What do these nice, peaceful Libyans do to Doc? They waste the motherfucker.
Holy fuck! I thought this movie was PG! I just watched two stereotypes shoot the fuck out of an ageing doctor! So, that's the first major conflict. The second major conflict is about to come into play:
When Marty tries to get away from the Libyans, he hops in the DeLorean and floors the bitch! And he just-so-happened to forget that 88 MPH will sling-shot his ass back/forward in time. Well, he is just driving when he hit the dreaded 88! Shit, he's back in time now! He has to go back to the future! Pardon the pun.
Second major conflict; he's stuck in 1955. Well, shit! This is enough to base a movie on! A boy gets sent back in time and has to go back and save his friend from being shot! Good enough for me! But, wait...
HE'S OUT OF PLUTONIUM. And this is 1955, so it's even more scarce than in the future! Fuck! Three major problems and we're not even an hour in! This is still more-than-enough to make a film around...But wait, there's more!
Enter the fourth major problem; he prevents his parents from meeting, thus preventing them from getting married, having sex, and having him. Shit! It really isn't your day, is it Marty? You basically just erased yourself from history in under an hour of film! So, that's all the conflict right?
Wrong! In preventing his parents meeting, marrying and fucking; he also manages to make his own mother sexually attracted to him. Goddammit, Doc Brown! All he wanted to do was have naughty, teenage sex with Jennifer by the lake! You fucked him over! Five major problems (thus far)!
So after two hours of trying to get his parents to like one another, inadvertently creating rock n' roll, saving him and his siblings from non-existence, inventing the skateboard, making Biff his bitch we have one final major problem...
The lightning! The car! He's late! No, he's on time! Doc fucked up! No, Doc saved the day! Wait, what?! In a almost Bad Luck Brian-esque series of events, he finally manages to make it back to 1985...just to see Doc killed still and seeing himself going to the past again. Well, to be fair; Doc wore a bullet-proof vest because Marty wrote him a not warning him of the event...but what about the other Marty? What in the flying fuck happened to him? He had to do all this shit again? Just to watch it again? And again? And again? You fucked up big time, Doc. Big time.
Enter Doctor Emmett Brown, or Doc for short. He's a wacky, seemingly-ludicrous man who thinks he's managed to time travel using a DeLorean. Pretty crazy, right? Except he can. Doc Brown actually perfected time-travel with plutonium, a flux-capacitor and 1.21 jigawatts at the perfect speed of 88 MPH! Well, the first major conflict is introduced when the Libyans that Doc ripped off the plutonium from have come back literally moments after demonstrating how time-travel is possible. What do these nice, peaceful Libyans do to Doc? They waste the motherfucker.
Holy fuck! I thought this movie was PG! I just watched two stereotypes shoot the fuck out of an ageing doctor! So, that's the first major conflict. The second major conflict is about to come into play:
When Marty tries to get away from the Libyans, he hops in the DeLorean and floors the bitch! And he just-so-happened to forget that 88 MPH will sling-shot his ass back/forward in time. Well, he is just driving when he hit the dreaded 88! Shit, he's back in time now! He has to go back to the future! Pardon the pun.
Second major conflict; he's stuck in 1955. Well, shit! This is enough to base a movie on! A boy gets sent back in time and has to go back and save his friend from being shot! Good enough for me! But, wait...
HE'S OUT OF PLUTONIUM. And this is 1955, so it's even more scarce than in the future! Fuck! Three major problems and we're not even an hour in! This is still more-than-enough to make a film around...But wait, there's more!
Enter the fourth major problem; he prevents his parents from meeting, thus preventing them from getting married, having sex, and having him. Shit! It really isn't your day, is it Marty? You basically just erased yourself from history in under an hour of film! So, that's all the conflict right?
Wrong! In preventing his parents meeting, marrying and fucking; he also manages to make his own mother sexually attracted to him. Goddammit, Doc Brown! All he wanted to do was have naughty, teenage sex with Jennifer by the lake! You fucked him over! Five major problems (thus far)!
So after two hours of trying to get his parents to like one another, inadvertently creating rock n' roll, saving him and his siblings from non-existence, inventing the skateboard, making Biff his bitch we have one final major problem...
The lightning! The car! He's late! No, he's on time! Doc fucked up! No, Doc saved the day! Wait, what?! In a almost Bad Luck Brian-esque series of events, he finally manages to make it back to 1985...just to see Doc killed still and seeing himself going to the past again. Well, to be fair; Doc wore a bullet-proof vest because Marty wrote him a not warning him of the event...but what about the other Marty? What in the flying fuck happened to him? He had to do all this shit again? Just to watch it again? And again? And again? You fucked up big time, Doc. Big time.
A Collection of 5 Books I Enjoy
That's right, these aren't necessarily my favourite books of all-time; just the ones I enjoy quite a bit at this particular moment in time, you see? I hope you enjoy my list and if you don't agree with my favourites, why not leave yours in the comments?
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (1962)
Yeah, yeah, yeah; you all saw this coming. I love the shit out of both the novella by Anthony Burgess and the film adaptation by Stanley Kubrick. Granted, I love the film a lot more than the novella because of the changes made to it, the soundtrack and the way Stanley Kubrick incorporated his views on society into an already great piece of literature. Hell, I consider A Clockwork Orange to be Kubrick's magnum opus! However, the way Mr. Burgess wrote this novella was brilliant, to say the absolute least. Not to mention how goddamned wonderful Nadsat is! I speak in Nadsat all the time in my daily life and no one understands me! I'm not ranking these in any particular order, or anything, but I actually consider A Clockwork Orange to be my favourite piece of literature of all-time.
Lord of the Flies by William Golding (1954)
Now, I can already feel the hate that'll be given to me for this choice. Yeah, we all had to read this in high school, I get it. You don't associate the book with good times. However, even though I first completed the book while in high school; I started reading it about a year earlier, but never had the motivation to finish it. When I did, though, I was blown away by how deep and allegorical the novel is! I love how much it uses allusions and how, like A Clockwork Orange, it's a study on human nature and the concept of morality. Not only one of my favourites of the moment, one of my favourite of all-time.
The Dark Half by Stephen King (1989)
Now, a lot of people don't think of Stephen King as a truly great author. I mean, let's play a game:
Quick! Where are does this book take place? That's right, Maine.
Quick! Who's the main character? That's right, an alcoholic writer.
Quick! Is this alcoholic writer from Maine crazy? That's right, he is.
Now, chances are, you've never read this book. So, how did you know the answers? Because it's Stephen King's basics. Granted, it's not a ground-breaking piece of literature that offers something new to the table; but goddammit, it's an underrated novel that deserves much more credit than it gets! It's not a great book, I concur, but it's a very good book that is far better than most of King's novels. What I really like about it is how he alludes the events in the story to the real-life event of him being outed as Richard Bachman, his pen-name. That's pretty cool, y'know?
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (1951)
Another example of a book that is widely-introduced through English classes around the country. Yeah, it's kind of overrated, I agree. But you don't become overrated by being a shitty book! This is an excellent piece of literature for those in my age group, teenagers on the verge of adulthood. Everything from the anti-hero Holden Caulfield and his identity crisis, as well as his swearing tendencies, and need for belonging make him a relatable protagonist and central character for a superior book.
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck (1972)
Well, lookey-lookey; another fucking book from English class. I must admit, I wasn't too thrilled to read a book entitled: A Day No Pigs Would Die, but the story was pretty emotional and very heartbreaking. But also very heartwarming in the way that we watched Rob develop from a immature adolescent to a responsible young man whom his father can trust after he passes on. Then when you realise it was an autobiographical novel, it's like, holy shit, this actually happened?! I enjoy the book a lot, but I wouldn't call it an all-time favourite, yet. Granted, I am premature to it.
Thanks for the read and I have a lot more in store.
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (1962)
Yeah, yeah, yeah; you all saw this coming. I love the shit out of both the novella by Anthony Burgess and the film adaptation by Stanley Kubrick. Granted, I love the film a lot more than the novella because of the changes made to it, the soundtrack and the way Stanley Kubrick incorporated his views on society into an already great piece of literature. Hell, I consider A Clockwork Orange to be Kubrick's magnum opus! However, the way Mr. Burgess wrote this novella was brilliant, to say the absolute least. Not to mention how goddamned wonderful Nadsat is! I speak in Nadsat all the time in my daily life and no one understands me! I'm not ranking these in any particular order, or anything, but I actually consider A Clockwork Orange to be my favourite piece of literature of all-time.
Lord of the Flies by William Golding (1954)
Now, I can already feel the hate that'll be given to me for this choice. Yeah, we all had to read this in high school, I get it. You don't associate the book with good times. However, even though I first completed the book while in high school; I started reading it about a year earlier, but never had the motivation to finish it. When I did, though, I was blown away by how deep and allegorical the novel is! I love how much it uses allusions and how, like A Clockwork Orange, it's a study on human nature and the concept of morality. Not only one of my favourites of the moment, one of my favourite of all-time.
The Dark Half by Stephen King (1989)
Now, a lot of people don't think of Stephen King as a truly great author. I mean, let's play a game:
Quick! Where are does this book take place? That's right, Maine.
Quick! Who's the main character? That's right, an alcoholic writer.
Quick! Is this alcoholic writer from Maine crazy? That's right, he is.
Now, chances are, you've never read this book. So, how did you know the answers? Because it's Stephen King's basics. Granted, it's not a ground-breaking piece of literature that offers something new to the table; but goddammit, it's an underrated novel that deserves much more credit than it gets! It's not a great book, I concur, but it's a very good book that is far better than most of King's novels. What I really like about it is how he alludes the events in the story to the real-life event of him being outed as Richard Bachman, his pen-name. That's pretty cool, y'know?
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (1951)
Another example of a book that is widely-introduced through English classes around the country. Yeah, it's kind of overrated, I agree. But you don't become overrated by being a shitty book! This is an excellent piece of literature for those in my age group, teenagers on the verge of adulthood. Everything from the anti-hero Holden Caulfield and his identity crisis, as well as his swearing tendencies, and need for belonging make him a relatable protagonist and central character for a superior book.
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck (1972)
Well, lookey-lookey; another fucking book from English class. I must admit, I wasn't too thrilled to read a book entitled: A Day No Pigs Would Die, but the story was pretty emotional and very heartbreaking. But also very heartwarming in the way that we watched Rob develop from a immature adolescent to a responsible young man whom his father can trust after he passes on. Then when you realise it was an autobiographical novel, it's like, holy shit, this actually happened?! I enjoy the book a lot, but I wouldn't call it an all-time favourite, yet. Granted, I am premature to it.
Thanks for the read and I have a lot more in store.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Goddammit, I'm Getting Lazy
I seriously need to get my shit together! I haven't been posting as frequently as I should and it's bumming me out! I'm really sorry about everything, and all. I have no excuse except being a lazy fuck.
I just finished writing a book so I've been worrying about whoring that out to the masses and whatnot, so I suppose I have a (shitty) excuse.
I do hope you can forgive me; I have a shit-ton of ideas floating around for new lists and posts. So, bear with me for just a bit and I'll start writing a lot more.
Really, I think I just got exhausted from writing two, or three posts a day! When you start something, you always thrust yourself into it and do a lot, never realising you're expected to do it daily! So, please accept my apology and in due time, I'll start writing much more.
Thanks.
I just finished writing a book so I've been worrying about whoring that out to the masses and whatnot, so I suppose I have a (shitty) excuse.
I do hope you can forgive me; I have a shit-ton of ideas floating around for new lists and posts. So, bear with me for just a bit and I'll start writing a lot more.
Really, I think I just got exhausted from writing two, or three posts a day! When you start something, you always thrust yourself into it and do a lot, never realising you're expected to do it daily! So, please accept my apology and in due time, I'll start writing much more.
Thanks.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
My Book: "The Illusions Time Brings" is Out Now!
Please purchase my second book and first fiction piece: The Illusions Time Bring for a very humble price of only $2.82! At: goo.gl/bihgh
The book is not the same book I was working on previously, by the way. This book is a novellete, is 79 pages and a little over 7,000 words.
It's a satire in the same vein as Dr. Strangelove and A Clockwork Orange. It's a serious book, but it's highly exaggerated and is often times played for laughs.
It's set in the near-future when violence and lust is rampant and we follow a 13-year-old boy with a strong criminal history and a very serious second-degree murder charge on his plate. The first six chapters take place during the single day at court and what he thinks, feels and dreams about during it. The final chapter is him in prison five years later with a new lease on life that is eventually changed.
I really recommend checking it out, it would mean the world to me, y'know? Thanks in advance, by the way.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
I'm Currently Beginning a Novella.
That's right; my second book. However, this time I opted to write a piece of fiction instead of a book of essays and jokes. The book is a psychological thriller, to a certain degree. It's heavily influenced by the book A Clockwork Orange.
Also, yes, I meant the book. As much as I love the film and it's interpretation of Anthony Burgess' original novel; I more-or-less liked the ideas and philosophies of the novella.
By the way, in case you didn't know, a novella is a piece of literature which is too long to be a short story, but too short to be a novel.
The idea behind the story is of a dying old man who is intelligent, well-spoken and charming. After finding out that he will be dead within a few days, he goes into a bar and begins to tell the barkeep a story about a young man who went out and murdered people by the dozens, but was never caught. His story goes on for quite some time and as the book finishes up; the man heavily implies that it was he who committed the murders. But the final line will be quite a shock that you will never see coming. (I know, I know. Twist endings are always shitty; but this one is actually pretty deep and unexpected.)
I plan on it being 100 to 120 pages and it will be published through TheBookPatch. It will be more-or-less a satire and will be played more for laughs and poking fun at things instead of a gritty crime-drama that people may expect.
So, if my posts become a tad fewer and less consistent, please do not worry. I will plan on updating at least once a day; and perhaps more. If I write at least ten pages a day, I'll be over before I know it. Also, one more thing; the narrator will be unreliable, so do not hang on to everything he says as fact/fiction. It plays out in the ending.
Also, yes, I meant the book. As much as I love the film and it's interpretation of Anthony Burgess' original novel; I more-or-less liked the ideas and philosophies of the novella.
By the way, in case you didn't know, a novella is a piece of literature which is too long to be a short story, but too short to be a novel.
The idea behind the story is of a dying old man who is intelligent, well-spoken and charming. After finding out that he will be dead within a few days, he goes into a bar and begins to tell the barkeep a story about a young man who went out and murdered people by the dozens, but was never caught. His story goes on for quite some time and as the book finishes up; the man heavily implies that it was he who committed the murders. But the final line will be quite a shock that you will never see coming. (I know, I know. Twist endings are always shitty; but this one is actually pretty deep and unexpected.)
I plan on it being 100 to 120 pages and it will be published through TheBookPatch. It will be more-or-less a satire and will be played more for laughs and poking fun at things instead of a gritty crime-drama that people may expect.
So, if my posts become a tad fewer and less consistent, please do not worry. I will plan on updating at least once a day; and perhaps more. If I write at least ten pages a day, I'll be over before I know it. Also, one more thing; the narrator will be unreliable, so do not hang on to everything he says as fact/fiction. It plays out in the ending.
My Apologies for My Absense Today...
I had to take leave on personal matters. (Personal matters you ask? Well, fuck you! It's personal!) This required me getting up at the ripe time of 6:45 and returning home around 1:30. Holy shit, was I tired!
For someone who never sleeps, I sure as shit slept a lot today. I didn't really dream of anything, though. Which is a first for me, I typically sleep only to be brought batshit crazy philosophical and allegorical messages in the form of insane, unrealistic and very lucid dreams.
I believe my elongated slumber was instigated by my body to finally catch up on its goddamn sleep. Thankfully, because of the 1:30 to 9:00 "nap", I will be more than happy to post a shit ton of posts, lists and jokes tonight.
So, again, I apologise for my absence during the day. But I am a night owl, aren't I? I'm sure I can kick out some lovely posts within the following hours.
For someone who never sleeps, I sure as shit slept a lot today. I didn't really dream of anything, though. Which is a first for me, I typically sleep only to be brought batshit crazy philosophical and allegorical messages in the form of insane, unrealistic and very lucid dreams.
I believe my elongated slumber was instigated by my body to finally catch up on its goddamn sleep. Thankfully, because of the 1:30 to 9:00 "nap", I will be more than happy to post a shit ton of posts, lists and jokes tonight.
So, again, I apologise for my absence during the day. But I am a night owl, aren't I? I'm sure I can kick out some lovely posts within the following hours.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Top Top 15 Beatles' Songs (In My Humble Opinion)
Okay, as you may know, I'm a huge Beatlemaniac. I mean, I practically worship John Lennon in a God-like fashion! So, I feel the need to compile a list of my favourite Beatles' songs. Let me just say: THIS WAS PRETTY FUCKING HARD. I felt so bad about leaving songs out and putting songs above one-another. So, think of this as an 'incomplete list'.
15. "You Won't See Me" - Written by Paul McCartney - Rubber Soul
Rubber Soul is my second-favourite Beatles' album of all-time, so it makes sense it would have a song on the list. However, this is the only one I feel breaks the top 15. I know, I know. Norwegian Wood! Nowhere Man! I get it! But this is the only song from the album that I truly, truly love.
15. "You Won't See Me" - Written by Paul McCartney - Rubber Soul
Rubber Soul is my second-favourite Beatles' album of all-time, so it makes sense it would have a song on the list. However, this is the only one I feel breaks the top 15. I know, I know. Norwegian Wood! Nowhere Man! I get it! But this is the only song from the album that I truly, truly love.
14. "She Said, She Said" - Written by John Lennon - Revolver
Written after a bad acid trip and Peter Fonda telling Lennon and Harrison about almost dying...Great song!
13. "Baby's in Black" - Written by Lennon/McCartney - Beatles for Sale
This song inspired Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones; which is featured over the end credits of Full Metal Jacket.
12. I, Me, Mine - Written by George Harrison - Let it Be
People like to pretend this was the last Beatles' song ever recorded. It wasn't, but it's still a kick-ass rock ballad on a criminally underrated Let it Be.
11. Mother Nature's Son - Written by Paul McCartney - The Beatles (The White Album)
Inspired by a horny meditation guru who told them they were children of nature. What better reason to write a song?
10. Love You To - Written by George Harrison - Revolver
Okay, I know the title is grammatically incorrect, but fuck me this song is underrated and great! Even better than Tomorrow Never Knows, which is why that song is nowhere to be found on this list.
9. I'm a Loser - Written by John Lennon - Beatles for Sale
Lennon really shined on the equally-underrated Beatles for Sale with very Bob Dylan-esque songs. This is a great example.
8. Across the Universe - Written by John Lennon - Let it Be
Really superb and poetic song by Lennon. Arguably one of his greatest lyrical pieces ever composed.
7. I've Got a Feeling - Written by Lennon/McCartney - Let it Be
Well, shit; Let it Be again? I must really think the damn album is really underrated. Oh well. A kick-ass song with Lennon's superb middle-eight. "Everybody had a wet dream." Yes they did, John. Yes they did.
6. Yer Blues - Written by John Lennon - The Beatles (The White Album)
One of the more...depressing songs..."Yes, I'm lonely; wanna die." But a great one, nonetheless.
5. Long, Long, Long - Written by George Harrison - The Beatles (The White Album)
Two white album songs in a row?! George really became a great songwriter by the end of The Beatles. This one is criminally underrated!
4. Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End - Written by Paul McCartney - Abbey Road
It may be the only song(s) on this list; but at least it's in the top five!
3. A Day in the Life - Written by Lennon/McCartney - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
I KNOW, I KNOW! "But Josh! This is the greatest Beatles' song ever! Don't you read Rolling Stone?!" Eat me, okay. It's a great song, but not the greatest.
2. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Written by George Harrison - Anthology 3 Version
Now, I enjoy the version on The White Album and all, but the Anthology 3 version is truly a masterpiece of music. I damn-near cried listening to it!
1. I'm Only Sleeping - Written by John Lennon - Revolver
And you don't believe that Revolver is the greatest album ever produced? Listen to any of the songs from it on this list, but mostly listen to perhaps the greatest Beatles' song ever:
Sitcoms Minus Laugh-Tracks Are Shitcoms
Go on, I'll wait. Go watch a handful of sitcoms with the laugh tracks digitally removed. Then come back and try telling me that wasn't the most awkward experience of your life.
I'll be right here waiting.
You finished? Great, now do you finally agree with me? Holy shit, it was perhaps the weirdest and most uncomfortable experience of my entire life! The Big Bang Theory quickly becomes Unfunny Nerds and a Hot Chick in a matter of seconds. F.R.I.E.N.D.S soon stands for Fucking Ridiculous Irritatingly Endless Nonsense that just Damn Sucks.
I mean, really, these motherfuckers take a long pause for laughter after literally every fucking line. How fucking unrealistic and idiotic?!
This is why shows like Arrested Development and Workaholics will always surpass these 'shitcoms'. Why? Because they have comedic timing with interesting and above-all: realistic dialogue.
I mean, trust me, I love sitcoms! Some of my all-time favourite shows are sitcoms; Married...with Children, for instance is in my top ten favourite television programmes ever made. But the difference between these modern shitcoms and classic sitcoms is that the laughter you hear is genuine! Also, the actors don't take pauses so the audience can laugh, they have to stop reciting their lines because the audience won't stop laughing.
So, this is why I grow tired of these shows and why I feel that you should either get rid of the studio audience completely, or let them laugh genuinely, goddammit!
I'll be right here waiting.
You finished? Great, now do you finally agree with me? Holy shit, it was perhaps the weirdest and most uncomfortable experience of my entire life! The Big Bang Theory quickly becomes Unfunny Nerds and a Hot Chick in a matter of seconds. F.R.I.E.N.D.S soon stands for Fucking Ridiculous Irritatingly Endless Nonsense that just Damn Sucks.
I mean, really, these motherfuckers take a long pause for laughter after literally every fucking line. How fucking unrealistic and idiotic?!
This is why shows like Arrested Development and Workaholics will always surpass these 'shitcoms'. Why? Because they have comedic timing with interesting and above-all: realistic dialogue.
I mean, trust me, I love sitcoms! Some of my all-time favourite shows are sitcoms; Married...with Children, for instance is in my top ten favourite television programmes ever made. But the difference between these modern shitcoms and classic sitcoms is that the laughter you hear is genuine! Also, the actors don't take pauses so the audience can laugh, they have to stop reciting their lines because the audience won't stop laughing.
So, this is why I grow tired of these shows and why I feel that you should either get rid of the studio audience completely, or let them laugh genuinely, goddammit!
FBI Warning: Piracy is ILLEGAL! (No fucking shit.)
Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn! I'm at my boiling point with this DVD shit! Every fucking time I put a DVD in, let's say I'm watching a series on DVD which requires me to put another disc in after every four-or-five episodes, right?
Well, every time you put another one in; you have to sit through logos (That you can't skip) and then anti-piracy ads (That you can't skip). At least you can skip the trailers, but fuck me! This anti-piracy shit is going way to far! We get it:
PIRACY IS ILLEGAL.
Please don't remind us every time we put in a goddamn DVD! And even if you have to put these annoying fuckers in; please let us skip them!
Jesus H. Christ, this shit is so fucking stupid!
Well, every time you put another one in; you have to sit through logos (That you can't skip) and then anti-piracy ads (That you can't skip). At least you can skip the trailers, but fuck me! This anti-piracy shit is going way to far! We get it:
PIRACY IS ILLEGAL.
Please don't remind us every time we put in a goddamn DVD! And even if you have to put these annoying fuckers in; please let us skip them!
Jesus H. Christ, this shit is so fucking stupid!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
So, I'm Thinking About Writing Another Book...
Due to the moderate success of my previous book Poppycock: A Collection of Thoughts, Essays and Jokes, I'm contemplating a sequel that would follow the same format as the former. However, I'm curious what direction it should go?
My first book was very political and went in-depth about my anti-religion stance and my liberal politics. However, I think my second book should be more pop-culture oriented and should include more things akin to the things I post of this blog.
So, tell me fans; what direction should I go with the new book? Also, what the hell should I call it? I had quite a difficult time coming up with a title for my first book. (It was originally entitled Fifty Shades of Surratt, for Lennon's sake!) So, help me out?
My first book was very political and went in-depth about my anti-religion stance and my liberal politics. However, I think my second book should be more pop-culture oriented and should include more things akin to the things I post of this blog.
So, tell me fans; what direction should I go with the new book? Also, what the hell should I call it? I had quite a difficult time coming up with a title for my first book. (It was originally entitled Fifty Shades of Surratt, for Lennon's sake!) So, help me out?
Goddammit, 'The Secret Life of an American Teenager' Sucks.
Sweet fucking chocolate Christ, this show sucks the big one! My sister has three seasons on DVD and she insisted I watch them because, quote: "This show is amazing!"
Well, that's the biggest piece of horseshit I've heard since The Warren Report. This show is a pretentious, horrifically bad acted, even worse written, Christian-drenched piece of television I've ever had the misfortune of watching. Keep in mind, I'm only on episode two!
Now, this may not surprise you, but the chick who created this ungodly goddamn shitcake also created Seventh Heaven, another piss-poor television show that people seem to fall head-over-heels in love with.
The only thing is, at least Seventh Heaven has an excuse; it was a family programme. This, however, is directed at the 13 to 17 female demographic. Besides shoving abstinence and Jesus down our throats every couple of minutes. It also gives us an unbelievable (In the bad way.) and all-around underwhelming show.
How in the fuck has this thing lasted this long?! From what I can tell thus far: Amy is a cunt, her friends are annoying "girlfriends" (Who, just had to be minorities) Ben is a borderline stalker, Grace is a sexually repressed Jesus-freak whore, Adrian is just a whore, and Ricky is a 'sensitive' bad boy.
Fuck this show.
P.S: The theme song blows too.
P.S.S: Holy shit! Claire Standish (Molly Ringwald for all you youngsters) sung it?!
P.S.S.S: Bender was right, Claire did get fat.
Well, that's the biggest piece of horseshit I've heard since The Warren Report. This show is a pretentious, horrifically bad acted, even worse written, Christian-drenched piece of television I've ever had the misfortune of watching. Keep in mind, I'm only on episode two!
Now, this may not surprise you, but the chick who created this ungodly goddamn shitcake also created Seventh Heaven, another piss-poor television show that people seem to fall head-over-heels in love with.
The only thing is, at least Seventh Heaven has an excuse; it was a family programme. This, however, is directed at the 13 to 17 female demographic. Besides shoving abstinence and Jesus down our throats every couple of minutes. It also gives us an unbelievable (In the bad way.) and all-around underwhelming show.
How in the fuck has this thing lasted this long?! From what I can tell thus far: Amy is a cunt, her friends are annoying "girlfriends" (Who, just had to be minorities) Ben is a borderline stalker, Grace is a sexually repressed Jesus-freak whore, Adrian is just a whore, and Ricky is a 'sensitive' bad boy.
Fuck this show.
P.S: The theme song blows too.
P.S.S: Holy shit! Claire Standish (Molly Ringwald for all you youngsters) sung it?!
P.S.S.S: Bender was right, Claire did get fat.
The Top 15 'SpongeBob SquarePants' Episodes (In My Humble Opinion)
We all love(d) SpongeBob, right? Clever humour, intriguing premise, diverse characters (I mean a sponge, a starfish, a squid, a crab with a whale daughter, and squirrel...). But that was the old SpongeBob; now it's all based around two boderline retards annoying the fuck out of an innocent man (Squidward).
So, why not remember the good times (Seasons 1-3) and pick out the top 15 greatest episodes ever? I am doing so right and without further adieu, I bring to you: "The Top 15 'SpongeBob SquarePants' Episodes (In My Humble Opinion)."
*Note: Neither 'Band Geeks' or 'Pizza Delivery' are number one. Sorry.
15. "Procrastination"
To kick off the list, why not start with an episode of SpongeBob needing to finish his report, but the lazy fuck won't do it.
The premise is simple, yes. But it doesn't take a way the fact that procrastination is a common problem and many of us can relate to SpongeBob in this episode. I mean, shit, when I was a kid, I would procrastinate my homework just to watch this episode!
So, why not remember the good times (Seasons 1-3) and pick out the top 15 greatest episodes ever? I am doing so right and without further adieu, I bring to you: "The Top 15 'SpongeBob SquarePants' Episodes (In My Humble Opinion)."
*Note: Neither 'Band Geeks' or 'Pizza Delivery' are number one. Sorry.
15. "Procrastination"
To kick off the list, why not start with an episode of SpongeBob needing to finish his report, but the lazy fuck won't do it.
The premise is simple, yes. But it doesn't take a way the fact that procrastination is a common problem and many of us can relate to SpongeBob in this episode. I mean, shit, when I was a kid, I would procrastinate my homework just to watch this episode!
Sorry, they all have to be speedy.
14. "The Chaperone"
I loved the shit out of this episode growing up! SpongeBob having to take Mr. Krabs' daughter (Who I still can't fucking understand why she's a whale.) to her prom? Genius! Especially considering how Pearl is so against the idea of SpongeBob taking her; until of course they both end up having a pretty fun time.
Tall, dark and handsome. Haha.
13. "Hall Monitor"
SpongeBob takes shit way too seriously from time-to-time, and this is a prime example. He really loves being hall monitor; so much so that he takes his job beyond the classroom and onto the streets of Bikini Bottom. (Sexy name, by the way.) Havoc, obviously, ensues.
SpongeBob, you fuck!
12. "Nasty Patty"
Oh, fuck me. This episode used to be one I couldn't eat anything to. From the dark opening to the patty itself. I was so stripped of my love-affair with hamburgers that I couldn't eat them for a good, long-ass while. So, I think we should show this episode on a 24/7 loop in all fast food joints. Let those fuckers know how it is.
This one is regular speed.
11 - "Band Geeks"
Okay, well hear me out. This is a funny, clever episode with a kickass ending! But, it's by no means the greatest episode of the series. Certainly the greatest ending, but we're looking at the episodes as a whole. So, sorry guys, it only ranks at number eleven.
Probably shitty quality; I apologise in advance.
10 - "Imitation Krabs"
Plankton in a Mr. Krabs cyborg clone? I believe that speaks for itself.
The ending was also pretty goddamned funny.
9 - "Christmas Who?"
Hands down. The greatest Christmas special ever produced. Fuck Frosty and Rudolph! It's all about SpongeBob finding out about Santa! Granted, the ending felt a bit rushed, I still hold this episode is such a high regard that even to this day I watch it on Christmas morning.
Still a kickass special.
8 - "Pizza Delivery"
I think I enjoy this one so much because of no matter how annoying SpongeBob is to Squidward; he'll still defend him when he has to. I loved how Squidward did that in this episode, so much so I wanted to say "Aww!" like those fucking audiences on a sitcom.
It's a rock!
7 - "Pickles"
Man, that fat-fuck of a customer really pissed me off as a kid! I'm so glad the bastard got what he deserved in the end. I thought it was a nice, interesting episodes that held my attention all the way through.
This thumbnail looks very misleading...
6 - "Just One Bite"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't number one either, and it barely missed the top five! I bet you guys are pissed and all, but, while it's a great episode; it's not that great.
"Oh please, I have no soul."
5 - "Naughty Nautical Neighbours"
Goddamn, do I love this episode. I mostly love the pure reversal of affection over Squidward's friendship as opposed to their (SpongeBob and Patrick) own. I also put in the top five for the singular moment when they keep asking for refills and Patrick gives a full class. "Patrick! Your glass is full!" I laughed my balls off for days.
Best thumbnail in the history of Earth.
4 - "SB-129"
This is like the 2001: A Space Odyssey of SpongeBob Episodes; it's so deep and philosophical and that's why I love the shit out of it! It would be number one, but I feel it's not really fair to the other episodes. So, I think four is the highest I can go and not have SponeBob fans shit on my soul. Still my favourite, though!
Still one of the best episodes of any show, ever.
3 - "Ripped Pants"
I just love the shit out of that song! It makes me feel so young and happy again! Oh, yeah...Well, the plot was pretty great for SpongeBob standards and I liked how SpongeBob had romantic feelings for Sandy. I wish that would've continued.
What's with all these sexy thumbnails?
Put here because I think you need to rehear the song as intended!
2 - "Wet Painters"
One of the funniest episodes of all-time! Holy shit, just the way they keep fucking everything up is so funny! I also love how in the end, the fix was so simple. Truly a great piece of writing here!
Angry Patrick is angry.
Strangely enough, this happens to be the A-side to the number one episode...
1 - "Krusty Krab Training Video"
Oh my fucking John Lennon! This is the greatest, funniest, wittiest and all-around most original episode not only of the series, but possibly of all cartoons! Take notes Regular Show, this is how you do an amazing episode!
I wish this one wasn't fucking speeded up.
So, there you have it! My top 15 SpongeBob SquarePants episodes. Any I didn't include that you think should have? Any that you think should've been ranked higher/lower? Let me know in the comments!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Fuck You, Mr. Canker Sore! (A Poem)
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; and all the "joy" you bring!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; for this annoying goddamn sting!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; I hate you oh-so very much!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; I can't even finish my lunch!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; you small incessant cunt!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; may your death be horrid and blunt!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; I hope to bid you adieu!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; you're someone I wish I never knew!
I'm a regular Walt Whitman!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; for this annoying goddamn sting!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; I hate you oh-so very much!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; I can't even finish my lunch!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; you small incessant cunt!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; may your death be horrid and blunt!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; I hope to bid you adieu!
Fuck you, Mr. Canker Sore; you're someone I wish I never knew!
I'm a regular Walt Whitman!
Boy, Do I Hate Insomnia...
"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink. I'm so tired, me mind is on the brink. I wonder should I get up; and fix myself a drink? No, no, no."
- John Lennon, I'm So Tired, The Beatles (The White Album)
How this line describes me oh-so perfectly. I'm such a tired person, especially during the day. But, goddammit, I cannot fall asleep to save my life.
Once I'm asleep, I'm out-cold. Nothing can wake me except for my own body telling me it's satisfied with the number of hours I've given it to rest. But, fuck me, it's so hard to fall asleep! Literally, in spite of how tired I am, I cannot just "go to sleep". How people do this is beyond my comprehension! Jesus H. Christ, what I wouldn't give to have a regular sleeping routine.
Perhaps this is why my dreams are always so odd and bizarre. I deprive my body of its essential sleep for such a duration, that when I do finally allow it a chance to replenish lost energy in a slumber; that my mind decides to get back at me by going deep into my subconscious and dishing out all my worst fears and worst memories at the same time!
Last night, I dreamt that I was moving into a new home. In this very, very large home was ordinary, plain and cream-coloured rooms with nothing in them but beds. (Also cream-coloured.) But then, there was this one room on the first floor of the house which looked something akin to a child's room. It was bright and colourful; and was filled with toys and games! A race-car bed, bright walls, two television sets and a Nintendo 64 console! However, all the objects were broken and I woke up before I could explore the house.
I sure fucking hope I don't dream of such house again tonight.
Sigh.
Alas, I must try once again to sleep; if I am still unsuccessful, I'll be back. Perhaps Paul McCartney can help me drift into a Golden Slumber?
"Golden slumbers fill your eyes! Smiles awake you when you rise! Sleep pretty darling, do not cry; and I will sing a lullaby."
- Paul McCartney, Golden Slumbers, Abbey Road
Friday, June 14, 2013
Answered Questions of 'The Shining'
For years, this has stumped so many people. However, on only my second-viewing; I feel confident that I have the meanings to the endless questions people have about this classic 1980 psychological horror film: The Shining.
Jack Torrance was Charles Grady.
In the beginning of the film when Jack is being interviewed for his job at The Overlook Hotel; Mr. Ullman tells him a grim and gruesome story about Charles Grady, a man who murdered his two daughters of ages eight and ten, as well as his wife and then he killed himself. Later in the film, however, when Jack talks to the ghost who is supposedly the man who killed them is now named Delbert. This has confused people for ages, but here's what I think:
Delbert and Charles Grady are not the same person; rather, they're brothers. I believe that Jack was Charles Grady in the past, and this would explain the final shot of the film being Jack in the 1921 photograph at The Gold Room. He was reincarnated from Charles Grady to recommit the same murders again. Delbert Grady would be Charles' brother. This explains why he is so kind to Jack and why he unlocks the freezer for him to go re-commit the crime. This takes care of what is often thought to be a gaping plot hole. This also shows that the final shot has a deeper meaning than anticipated. Remember just a month after they moved into the hotel that Jack tells Wendy: "I feel like I've been here before. That I knew what was going to be around every corner." Well, he has. Albeit in another lifetime.
Another plot "hole" it could explain is that when in the beginning Mr. Ullman gives the daughters ages as eight and ten, which would be impossible for twins to be two years apart. This would mean that Charles Grady (Jack) murdered his two daughters of different ages. While Delbert (His brother) describes his two daughters as 'running around somewhere'. They are running around trying to prevent Danny from the same ultimate fate. They could have shown themselves in a dead state to scare Danny into knowing what may happen to him.
I honestly feel this makes the best sense of any theory relating to The Shining, and that it was Stanley Kubrick's original intention.
Jack Torrance was Charles Grady.
In the beginning of the film when Jack is being interviewed for his job at The Overlook Hotel; Mr. Ullman tells him a grim and gruesome story about Charles Grady, a man who murdered his two daughters of ages eight and ten, as well as his wife and then he killed himself. Later in the film, however, when Jack talks to the ghost who is supposedly the man who killed them is now named Delbert. This has confused people for ages, but here's what I think:
Delbert and Charles Grady are not the same person; rather, they're brothers. I believe that Jack was Charles Grady in the past, and this would explain the final shot of the film being Jack in the 1921 photograph at The Gold Room. He was reincarnated from Charles Grady to recommit the same murders again. Delbert Grady would be Charles' brother. This explains why he is so kind to Jack and why he unlocks the freezer for him to go re-commit the crime. This takes care of what is often thought to be a gaping plot hole. This also shows that the final shot has a deeper meaning than anticipated. Remember just a month after they moved into the hotel that Jack tells Wendy: "I feel like I've been here before. That I knew what was going to be around every corner." Well, he has. Albeit in another lifetime.
Another plot "hole" it could explain is that when in the beginning Mr. Ullman gives the daughters ages as eight and ten, which would be impossible for twins to be two years apart. This would mean that Charles Grady (Jack) murdered his two daughters of different ages. While Delbert (His brother) describes his two daughters as 'running around somewhere'. They are running around trying to prevent Danny from the same ultimate fate. They could have shown themselves in a dead state to scare Danny into knowing what may happen to him.
I honestly feel this makes the best sense of any theory relating to The Shining, and that it was Stanley Kubrick's original intention.
Hey! I Made a Shitty Documentary! (You Should Watch It)
It's not that bad.
Willy Wonka, you sadistic fuck, you!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
My Predictions For the Finale of 'Breaking Bad'
As you know, I love the shit out of AMC's Breaking Bad. It's my second-favourite television programme of all-time. (The first one being FX's Rescue Me.) I also own all the available seasons on DVD. That being said; I'm hella pumped for the final eight episodes of this badass show. So, like everyone else, allow me to throw my idea out to the interwebs for you to enjoy:
Without knowing any details whatsoever, I have my own slew of predictions for the finale of Breaking Bad, and I hope that it will be far better than what I have in mind.
Personally, I think that since the teaser of the first episode of the fifth season was Walter, alone, on his 52nd birthday, we can assume that he is on the run from the police. (I mean, Hank was pretty fucking shocked in the mid-season finale.) He gives the alias 'Lambert', which could be relating to Johann Heinrich Lambert, a famous mathematician, physicist, philosopher and astronomer. I say this because Walt already uses the alias 'Heisenberg' who is named after Werner Heisenberg, a theoretical physicist. We can also assume his cancer is acting up because of his pill-popping. And finally, he purchases a gun. All of these things could be where we pick up in the finale.
From my perspective, it's been a year of Walter on the run from Hank and the DEA. At this point in time, he is hopeless, and tired of running. He just spent his final 100 dollar bill; the last of his drug money. He no longer has Jesse, who has moved in with Andrea and Brock to live a normal, healthy life. He also no longer has Skyler or Walter Jr. because of a dastardly deed. (Which I'll explain in a moment.) He has returned to Albuquerque, New Mexico to finally finish what he started.
With his cancer starting up again, with a vengeance, he knows he has very little time remaining. He will try to reconcile with Skyler but will fail. After a final attempt to contact Jesse, by visiting him at his home, he will stir up a lot of bad blood between them, as Jesse will by this point know that Walt didn't save Jane.
Remember that evil thing Walter did that Skyler can't forgive him for? Well, he killed Holly to save his own life. Deep shit, huh? Well, it'll get deeper.
In the last act, Hank will visit Walt and the two will talk. Walt will know his time is up, and Hank knows he won't go down without taking him with him. After a major-ass shootout, with Jesse trying to save his partner and Skyler trying to save Hank. Everyone will be dead, except for Hank, Jesse and Walt. Hank will kill Jesse; Walt will kill Hank; and the SWAT team will kill Walt.
The final shot of the series will be of Walter Jr. living with Marie and they will be watching endless news stories of what happened. Walt Jr. will excuse himself to the restroom, and he will pass by the room with the water heater. He'll notice the hole in the floor and will open it. There, he'll find money and a box of stuff. Among the objects in it, he'll find a note telling Walt Jr. how sorry he is for what he did. Deeper in the box, he'll find a recipe...for blue meth...
CUE SPIN-OFF!
Without knowing any details whatsoever, I have my own slew of predictions for the finale of Breaking Bad, and I hope that it will be far better than what I have in mind.
Personally, I think that since the teaser of the first episode of the fifth season was Walter, alone, on his 52nd birthday, we can assume that he is on the run from the police. (I mean, Hank was pretty fucking shocked in the mid-season finale.) He gives the alias 'Lambert', which could be relating to Johann Heinrich Lambert, a famous mathematician, physicist, philosopher and astronomer. I say this because Walt already uses the alias 'Heisenberg' who is named after Werner Heisenberg, a theoretical physicist. We can also assume his cancer is acting up because of his pill-popping. And finally, he purchases a gun. All of these things could be where we pick up in the finale.
From my perspective, it's been a year of Walter on the run from Hank and the DEA. At this point in time, he is hopeless, and tired of running. He just spent his final 100 dollar bill; the last of his drug money. He no longer has Jesse, who has moved in with Andrea and Brock to live a normal, healthy life. He also no longer has Skyler or Walter Jr. because of a dastardly deed. (Which I'll explain in a moment.) He has returned to Albuquerque, New Mexico to finally finish what he started.
With his cancer starting up again, with a vengeance, he knows he has very little time remaining. He will try to reconcile with Skyler but will fail. After a final attempt to contact Jesse, by visiting him at his home, he will stir up a lot of bad blood between them, as Jesse will by this point know that Walt didn't save Jane.
Remember that evil thing Walter did that Skyler can't forgive him for? Well, he killed Holly to save his own life. Deep shit, huh? Well, it'll get deeper.
In the last act, Hank will visit Walt and the two will talk. Walt will know his time is up, and Hank knows he won't go down without taking him with him. After a major-ass shootout, with Jesse trying to save his partner and Skyler trying to save Hank. Everyone will be dead, except for Hank, Jesse and Walt. Hank will kill Jesse; Walt will kill Hank; and the SWAT team will kill Walt.
The final shot of the series will be of Walter Jr. living with Marie and they will be watching endless news stories of what happened. Walt Jr. will excuse himself to the restroom, and he will pass by the room with the water heater. He'll notice the hole in the floor and will open it. There, he'll find money and a box of stuff. Among the objects in it, he'll find a note telling Walt Jr. how sorry he is for what he did. Deeper in the box, he'll find a recipe...for blue meth...
CUE SPIN-OFF!
Shit, I'd watch it.
I'm Thinking About Going to 'AA'...
...Not 'Alcoholic's Anonymous', shit-for-brains; I'm talking about the newly-formed 'Asshole's Anonymous'!
Never heard of it? Neither have I, so that's why I thought I should found it. Similar to the other AA and it's slightly-worse brother, NA (Narcotic's Anonymous), it has twelve steps. Which I shall go over...now:
Step 1 - We admitted we were fucking assholes; we were powerless and full of great douchebaggery. Goddamn, did we suck.
Step 2 - We believe that the flying spaghetti monster has intervened and set us down the path to recovery.
Step 3 - We made an 'informed' decision to let the flying spaghetti monster into our hearts and let him take over...I mean, I can't to be blame for my douchebaggery; it was obvious that the flying spaghetti monster needed me to fuck up so I could...not be a fuck up...wait...
Step 4 - We looked deep inside ourselves to find good morals and hope...All I found was blood, guts and bones...I need a fucking map.
Step 5 - We admitted to the flying spaghetti monsters that we suck and he's number one.
Step 6 - We're pretty goddamn ready to stop being a bunch of cunts.
Step 7 - More of the same fucking shit of the last six; I think we really got ahead of ourselves with the number of these fucking steps...
Step 8 - We made a list of all the people we've offended; and swiftly told those bastards to: "eat me".
Step 9 - The exact same fucking thing as step eight...fuck the person who wrote this list...oh wait...
Step 10 - MORE OF THE SAME GODDAMN SHIT.
Step 11 - EVEN MORE OF THE SAME FUCKING SHIT.
Step 12 - TAKE A FUCKING GUESS. FUCK THIS, I'M STILL AN ASSHOLE! AND I'M GODDAMNED PROUD!
...Ahem...maybe this whole idea of 'Asshole's Anonymous' wasn't such a great idea...
Never heard of it? Neither have I, so that's why I thought I should found it. Similar to the other AA and it's slightly-worse brother, NA (Narcotic's Anonymous), it has twelve steps. Which I shall go over...now:
Step 1 - We admitted we were fucking assholes; we were powerless and full of great douchebaggery. Goddamn, did we suck.
Step 2 - We believe that the flying spaghetti monster has intervened and set us down the path to recovery.
Step 3 - We made an 'informed' decision to let the flying spaghetti monster into our hearts and let him take over...I mean, I can't to be blame for my douchebaggery; it was obvious that the flying spaghetti monster needed me to fuck up so I could...not be a fuck up...wait...
Step 4 - We looked deep inside ourselves to find good morals and hope...All I found was blood, guts and bones...I need a fucking map.
Step 5 - We admitted to the flying spaghetti monsters that we suck and he's number one.
Step 6 - We're pretty goddamn ready to stop being a bunch of cunts.
Step 7 - More of the same fucking shit of the last six; I think we really got ahead of ourselves with the number of these fucking steps...
Step 8 - We made a list of all the people we've offended; and swiftly told those bastards to: "eat me".
Step 9 - The exact same fucking thing as step eight...fuck the person who wrote this list...oh wait...
Step 10 - MORE OF THE SAME GODDAMN SHIT.
Step 11 - EVEN MORE OF THE SAME FUCKING SHIT.
Step 12 - TAKE A FUCKING GUESS. FUCK THIS, I'M STILL AN ASSHOLE! AND I'M GODDAMNED PROUD!
...Ahem...maybe this whole idea of 'Asshole's Anonymous' wasn't such a great idea...
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
I Don't Give a Shit, I Love 'Dawson's Creek'
Okay, okay. I realise that soon I will be getting comments and messages informing of how much of a pussy I am and how gay the programme is; but hear me out:
My career and first-love is, of course, writing. However, my second biggest passion is filmmaking. It's what I wanted to be if my writing career didn't work out. In fact, I have on my computer at present; upwards of 15 to 20 screenplays and pilot episodes. Eventually, I want to get one made.
One screenplay I'm working on is an homage to Pulp Fiction, and it's actually not half-bad. Mostly, I write pilot scripts though. And in that group, they're mostly dramas. As a matter of fact, one of my pilot scripts is available for reading online here.
I bring up my love and passion for films because Dawson Leery, the shows protagonist and eponymous main character, also has that. Albeit, his love is for the mainstream films and his hero is Steven Spielberg. (I'm more interested in the independent film market and my filmmaking heroes are Kevin Smith, John Hughes and Quentin Tarantino.) Which is why I can relate to him.
I can also relate to Pacey, Dawson's wise-cracking, lady-loving (though, for the most part; the ladies don't love him...except Miss Jacob...and Joey...and Andie...and Audrey...never mind...) best friend who, as aforementioned has quite a few relationships with some serious-ass consequences. Granted, I've never fucked a teacher of mine; but it's on my bucket-list.
And in a very no-homo way; I can relate to Jack. Because, disregarding his discovered homosexuality (Is that why he dated Joey? Because she has a guy's name?), I can relate to his introversion and difficulty making himself known to the world and being comfortable. (Again, in a totally heterosexual way.)
That's why I enjoy the show, not to mention it's where I get my extensive vocabulary and quite a few catchphrases from. I also just enjoy the series as a whole; because disregarding the final two seasons, it was a pretty great drama. It was new and original for the time, and inspired those who came after it.
Perhaps it was a tad girly for a show focusing on a guy (Granted, his name was quite feminine, while his love interest's name was quite masculine, ironically.) and maybe it shouldn't have shifted from 'Dawson's Creek' to 'Joey's Bar', but I digress. It was great for four seasons, at least. And that's more that I can say for most shows.
My career and first-love is, of course, writing. However, my second biggest passion is filmmaking. It's what I wanted to be if my writing career didn't work out. In fact, I have on my computer at present; upwards of 15 to 20 screenplays and pilot episodes. Eventually, I want to get one made.
One screenplay I'm working on is an homage to Pulp Fiction, and it's actually not half-bad. Mostly, I write pilot scripts though. And in that group, they're mostly dramas. As a matter of fact, one of my pilot scripts is available for reading online here.
I bring up my love and passion for films because Dawson Leery, the shows protagonist and eponymous main character, also has that. Albeit, his love is for the mainstream films and his hero is Steven Spielberg. (I'm more interested in the independent film market and my filmmaking heroes are Kevin Smith, John Hughes and Quentin Tarantino.) Which is why I can relate to him.
I can also relate to Pacey, Dawson's wise-cracking, lady-loving (though, for the most part; the ladies don't love him...except Miss Jacob...and Joey...and Andie...and Audrey...never mind...) best friend who, as aforementioned has quite a few relationships with some serious-ass consequences. Granted, I've never fucked a teacher of mine; but it's on my bucket-list.
And in a very no-homo way; I can relate to Jack. Because, disregarding his discovered homosexuality (Is that why he dated Joey? Because she has a guy's name?), I can relate to his introversion and difficulty making himself known to the world and being comfortable. (Again, in a totally heterosexual way.)
That's why I enjoy the show, not to mention it's where I get my extensive vocabulary and quite a few catchphrases from. I also just enjoy the series as a whole; because disregarding the final two seasons, it was a pretty great drama. It was new and original for the time, and inspired those who came after it.
Perhaps it was a tad girly for a show focusing on a guy (Granted, his name was quite feminine, while his love interest's name was quite masculine, ironically.) and maybe it shouldn't have shifted from 'Dawson's Creek' to 'Joey's Bar', but I digress. It was great for four seasons, at least. And that's more that I can say for most shows.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Everyone Hates the Second Half of 'Full Metal Jacket' (But it's Actually Superior to the First)
Now, we've all at one point or another watched one of Stanley Kubrick's best films he ever made in his career: Full Metal Jacket. Well...the first half anyway...right?
Well, that's the consensus. Everyone praises the first half for being funny, dramatic and a staple in war films...despite not being in the war yet...However, as much as I enjoy the first half, (and trust me, I certainly do.) the second half is the better of the two.
Blasphemy! You shout incoherently at the computer scream, hoping I somehow manage to hear it. Well, no sir you are quite wrong. While the first half is very captivating, funny and has one hell of an ending; it's by no means a 'great piece of filmmaking'. Outside of its realism, (well, until Private Pyle goes apeshit and unloads on Sgt. Hartman...) it's just a regular film. Hell, it could pass as a comedy for all I care...again...until that ending, of course.
The second half, however, is a realistic, gritty and at-times unsettling look on war. The message, themes and tone of the second half; hell, even some of the humour, is superior to the first act.
From the opening shot of a Vietnamese prostitute hitting on Pvt. Joker and Rafter Man accompanied by These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra to the final shot of the now-dehumanised soldiers marching to The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse March is a great piece of war cinema.
So, suck it FML first-halfers!
Well, that's the consensus. Everyone praises the first half for being funny, dramatic and a staple in war films...despite not being in the war yet...However, as much as I enjoy the first half, (and trust me, I certainly do.) the second half is the better of the two.
Blasphemy! You shout incoherently at the computer scream, hoping I somehow manage to hear it. Well, no sir you are quite wrong. While the first half is very captivating, funny and has one hell of an ending; it's by no means a 'great piece of filmmaking'. Outside of its realism, (well, until Private Pyle goes apeshit and unloads on Sgt. Hartman...) it's just a regular film. Hell, it could pass as a comedy for all I care...again...until that ending, of course.
The second half, however, is a realistic, gritty and at-times unsettling look on war. The message, themes and tone of the second half; hell, even some of the humour, is superior to the first act.
From the opening shot of a Vietnamese prostitute hitting on Pvt. Joker and Rafter Man accompanied by These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra to the final shot of the now-dehumanised soldiers marching to The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse March is a great piece of war cinema.
So, suck it FML first-halfers!
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